When “Saturday Night Live” opened its 43rd season late Saturday night, the gang at Studio 8H wasn’t lacking for material. After all, they could have done an entire show’s worth of skits based on Donald Trump’s bizarre week. Ultimately, the “SNL” gang decided to tee up Trump for his disastrous and embarrassing response to the devastation Hurricane Maria brought to Puerto Rico.
Just two hours before “SNL” went to air, Alec Baldwin–who has inspired the nation with his epic send-ups of the Donald–dropped a very loud hint of what was to come.
At 11:30, I want everyone in this great country to gather round the TV, take a knee and tune into @nbcsnl pic.twitter.com/5wjcqW6FgL
— AlecBaldwin (@AlecBaldwin) October 1, 2017
As usual, Baldwin and the “SNL” gang didn’t disappoint. They went after Trump not once, but twice. The first hit came during the cold open. In case you missed it, watch it here.
“Trump” returned to the White House from Bedminster, and was greeted by Aidy Bryant’s Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “Trump” admitted he was making a yuuuuge sacrifice in interrupting his golf game in order to take care of presidential duties.
“Sanders” told “Trump” that San Juan mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz was on the line. “Trump” expected a pat on the back, but got a rude surprise when he took the call from Melissa Villaseñor’s Cruz. When “Cruz” begged “Trump” to send more help to the island, “Trump” promised help was on the way–“by Tuesday, or Wednesday at the latest.”
An incredulous “Cruz” didn’t understand why help couldn’t come sooner, prompting “Trump” to tell her that she should have paid her bills. However, it could come sooner if she joined “FEMA Prime.” After all, he had to take care of Americans first before sending any help to “an island in the water.” When “Cruz” reminded “Trump” that Puerto Ricans were U. S. citizens, Trump replied that while he knew that, not many others did. When “Cruz” begged for more help, “Trump” hung up rather than listen to another “nasty” woman much longer.
That was brutal enough, but “SNL” had more in store on the new season’s first edition of “Weekend Update.” Watch here.
Colin Jost tore into Trump for his callous tweets lecturing Puerto Ricans for daring to ask their government to help them in the wake of a disaster that has left their infrastructure in a shambles, then going back to the links. Jost mused that with the way he has (mis)handled Maria, Trump has kept at least one of his promises.
“Hey, Trump said he was going to get things done faster than any other president. And now I believe him, because it took George W. Bush five years to get his Katrina.”
Jost also wondered why rapper Pit Bull could lend his private jet to help airlift people off the island when Trump was either unable or unwilling to do so.
“How is the president of the United States worse at humanitarian aid than Pit Bull?”
He then suggested that Trump’s spiel about Puerto Rico being “an island surrounded by water” was inspired by “one of those old sailor maps with sea monsters on it.”
Michael Che then got into the act by letting Trump have it for his now-infamous slagging of Cruz on Twitter, in which he claimed Democrats on the mainland ordered the mayor to “be nasty” to him and call him out for dragging his feet in getting help to the island.
“Oh really, Donald? You bitch. Was she nasty to you? How nasty? Are you shaking? You want to go smoke a Virginia Slim until your hand stops moving? This isn’t that complicated, man. It’s hurricane relief, these people need help. You just did this for white people twice! Do the same thing. Go tell Melania to put on her flood heels. Get some bottled water, some food. Pack up some extra Atlanta Falcons Super Bowl T-shirts, and write them a check with OUR money, you cheap cracker!”
Che mused that Trump seemed to drag his feet when “anybody darker than your golf pants has a problem.” First he punted on protecting the Dreamers, then he bullies NFL players, and now Puerto Rico.
Oh, this was lovely. And the best evidence so far of how lovely it was? As I write this on Sunday morning, we have yet to see any angry tweets from Trump. Perhaps he knows that “SNL” has him busted.
If this is any indication, this season should be fun. Keep it up, “SNL.” This country needs you.
(featured image: screenshot courtesy NBC via Mashable)
