According to Austrian psychologist Sigmund Freud, the human psyche is separated into three parts. The most primitive of these components is the id, defined as the raw, instinctual, part of the mind that contains hidden memories, the sex drive, and, the fight or flight reflex.
Little did Freud suspect that one day the president-elect of the United States of America would channel such mind-salad through an electronic communication tool known as Twitter.
Trump’s tweets are all id.
Mention his Lilliputian hands. Discuss his Brobdingnagian ego. Point out the absence of an Emmy on his office desk. Insinuate that he’s nowhere near as rich as he claims to be. Highlight his undeniable racism, his misogyny, his predilection for teenage beauty queens.
Any one of these could cause him to go off more quickly than a sausage found wandering around the Arizona desert without the aid of appropriate headgear.
So when President Obama throws a farewell party and doesn’t invite Trump, you know that he is just itching to lash out. You know that he’s just dying to duke it out. You know he’s reaching for his little-league boxing mitts.
And that’s before he realizes that his party is going to be less of a soiree and more of an awkward buffet. The White House staff sobbing into punch bowls. That look of horror on the faces of the security guards pledging to take a bullet for him. The sweet saccharine smell of teetotalers throwing up in plant pots for the first time in their lives.
Much Ado About Something
We’re going to miss him.
The President that is.
Thankfully, we’re not alone.
America’s best and brightest showed up to bid the President farewell.
CNN’s Betsy Klein was there.
More @WhiteHouse arrivals: Jason Sudeikis, Robert De Niro, Ken Burns, al sharpton, Jordin Sparks pic.twitter.com/w5vPLMjFCh
— Betsy Klein (@betsy_klein) January 7, 2017
Favorite couples alert- @tomhanks and @RitaWilson, followed shortly by @johnlegend and @chrissyteigen at the White House pic.twitter.com/Pv3GPYVZu7
— Betsy Klein (@betsy_klein) January 7, 2017
Swindler’s List
The list of people who attended Obama’s outgoing party was long. Almost as long as the list of people refusing to attend Trump’s incoming one.
It’s a great list.
Rebecca Ferguson agreed to perform at the ceremony only on the condition that she be allowed to sing Billie Holiday protest song ‘Strange Fruit.’
Inauguration ceremony
Read: https://t.co/CHVDH7Qzbx
— Rebecca Ferguson (@RebeccaFMusic) January 2, 2017
She was in pretty good company all said and done.
Justin Timberlake, Katy Perry, and Bruno Mars all refused to perform. So did Beyoncé. Attempts to lure back the stars of yesteryear also came to little. Elton John, Kiss, Garth Brooks and Celine Dion all declined invitations to officiate at the anointing of Putin’s pet executive.
He even struggled to get a marching band to show up.
Not that Trump was bothered of course. Indeed, how totally not bothered he was by the whole thing was ably demonstrated via a signature 2 am Tweet.
The so-called "A" list celebrities are all wanting tixs to the inauguration, but look what they did for Hillary, NOTHING. I want the PEOPLE!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 23, 2016
That the ‘so-called’ “A” list celebrities included the likes of Ice T and the Dixie Chicks didn’t seem to faze him.
I just got call to perform at the Inauguration…. I didn’t pick up and Blocked the number.
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) December 16, 2016
Nor did he let indications that Meryl Streep will most certainly not be attending get to him in any way shape or form. He again reminded people of how not bothered he was by issuing to him what must have seemed like a Master’s degree dissertation in the form of three tweets in a row.
Meryl Streep, one of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood, doesn't know me but attacked last night at the Golden Globes. She is a…..
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 9, 2017
Hillary flunky who lost big. For the 100th time, I never "mocked" a disabled reporter (would never do that) but simply showed him…….
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 9, 2017
"groveling" when he totally changed a 16 year old story that he had written in order to make me look bad. Just more very dishonest media!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 9, 2017
Type OMG Negative
Putting aside for a moment the fact that it took him a full 16 minutes to write 74 words — giving him a typing speed of fewer than 5 words per minute — one thing is important to note. He most assuredly did mock a disabled reporter.
Perhaps that has something to do with why Team Trump was resorting to asking those who refused to show up if they ‘knew anyone?’
I have turned down the invitation to perform at the inauguration, then they asked if I had Eric Estrada's phone number #FTP #pelosmelapela
— George Lopez (@georgelopez) January 2, 2017
At the time of writing, it’s hard to even know if bipedal-invertebrate Paul Ryan is going to show up; perhaps nobody at all will show.
Meanwhile, rumors that Jared from Subway had sent back his RSVP unopened remain unsubstantiated.
he tried to book Jared from Subway
— Brandon Stosuy (@brandonstosuy) December 23, 2016
Still, he can always watch as real celebrities share their memories of a commander in chief worthy of admiration.
Featured image from YouTube video.
