I wrote this on my Facebook timeline on November 12th after I had awoken from what I thought was a nightmare: my future as an American under Pres. Donald Trump. I was actually in the shower and remembering conversations I’ve had with people over the years about running for political office. And also remembering having conversations with my own son about “if you want to be an attorney and maybe a politician, one thing you’ve gotta do is never have a scandal.” Now? Ha. Apparently there is no sin or mistake grievous enough to keep White Christian America from voting for you.
This resonated with my friends, so I thought you guys might enjoy it, too.
I’ve always said I’d NEVER run for political office. Reason? In truth, I’m way too introverted. I just don’t love LOVE being around people all the time. Or any of the time. But what I’ve always TOLD people in response to the question of “have you ever considered it” is this:
“I have wayyyyyy too many skeletons in my closet. When I open the closet door, they come falling out with my shoes. I have skeletons under the bathroom sink, in the kitchen cabinets, and a barn full of them!”
But oh what a wonderful time to live in America. We are so blessed.
Every child needs to know that he or she can grow up to be president.
You can sexually assault people (as much as you want!), file bankruptcy (as often as you want!), get married 3 or more times, cheat on everyone you ever have a relationship with, flat-out refuse to pay people, never pay a dime in taxes, be a draft dodger, be a bully, have an IQ of 100, be embarrassingly ostentatious, never read a book in your life, and have a vocabulary of 200.
And you can marry a call girl who worked as an illegal immigrant in the U.S. and make her your First Lady. Psstt…Melania. We didn’t really mean our apology…we really do think you probably had sex for money…which is OK. A girl gotta do what she gotta do.
You can do allllll of this delicious stuff, and so much more I’m sure I’m not remembering at the moment, and STILL be President of the United States. If ONLY you’re in a Godless society….oh wait. No. You don’t have to be in a Godless society. You can do all of this and all of the Christians will still vote for you.
My little skeletons are embarrassingly lame compared to those of Donald Trump and his wife.
But alas, I’m still an introvert. But maybe Joe (my boyfriend) can run and I can be his First Lady. I don’t even have to do anything as ambitious as Mrs. Obama has done. I can stay in my bedroom with my cats and run Liberal America (totally not a conflict of interest, right?), read, and watch one House episode a day. Hell, we don’t even have to really get married to get into the White House, do we? As long as we lie and make a bunch of promises to the dumbest voters in America, who cares? Not them!
God Bless America.
