Many Americans are panicking about the general election this coming November. Men and women across the United States are too liberal for Hillary, too educated for Trump. If you are at a loss of whose name to tick in two months time, there are other options.
Luckily, here is your comprehensive list of the best alternatives for President this 2016.
1. The Captain
Most of us want the simple life. We want a basic knowledge that will keep us alive, whilst also making our lives easier. All of us want unity, a sense of belonging. That is what Presidential candidate #1 can provide.
With his extensive knowledge on modern life, and his perfectly developed beard, The Captain is your first option for President 2016.
Here are some of his campaign policies and opinions on life:
It's "National Roller Coaster Day." Finally, a holiday to celebrate your emotional instability.
— The Captain (@sgrstk) August 16, 2016
https://twitter.com/sgrstk/status/748184221454209024
As a society, we're obsessed with things that aren't real — like unicorns, fake boobs, and the possibility of "just one drink."
— The Captain (@sgrstk) June 26, 2016
2. The Entire Cast of The West Wing
Everyone fell in love with the Bartlet Administration. With the impeccable cast, and the undeniable passion of Aaron Sorkin, Martin Sheen was even urged to run against that guy George W. Bush (some idiot who ran the country for eight years and left a trail of utter destruction behind him).
Under the Bartlet Administration, America would have everything our liberal hearts could desire, including a real life Josh Lyman and CJ Cregg.
Here is the Administration on their typical work day:
3. Millennial Frat Boys
Ross and Noah, of Just Another Production Productions fame, are not shy of expressing love for their country. They celebrate every national holiday, understand human intelligence better than any psychologist, and they love animals.
In their latest video, we look at what their run at the White House might look like… or is this an eerie look into the future of American politics?
4. Eden Dranger
With excellent foreign policy and pinpoint accuracy on how we should all act in public, Eden Dranger is the perfect female for political office (after CJ Cregg).
Her Twitter feed is the campaign platform of the century, with almost every tweet outlining her views so each of her voters knows exactly where she stands. All of her policies are unique, yet fitting to the modern political movement in America.
French people don't wear deodorant because they secretly wish they were cheese.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) August 31, 2016
https://twitter.com/Eden_Eats/status/765802551262543876
Coming up next on FOX news, all our white anchors will now explain to you how there is no racism in this country.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) August 12, 2016
5. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
This should be a simple one. We saved the best for last.
The world has stopped laughing at comedians and now uses them as the most sane voices on politics. Jon Stewart, with a side of Stephen Colbert seems like the most beneficial concoction for honest, beneficial politics.
America can dream of a day where John Oliver would be Chief of Staff, but the British were banished from America long ago.
Here they are proving to us all that they are significantly more qualified than any GOP candidate:
