Dear Mr. Trump,
I don’t know you, really. But I know your type. You’re a boy in a man’s body. The body is a man (except for your teeny-tiny hands), but the inside is just a boy. A scared little 5-year-old boy. Go back to kindergarten.
I know children. You are a child. I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice. Your speech patterns are that of a playground bully. Nothing more. You convey no great knowledge about anything. You suck at business. You suck at relationships. You suck at public speaking. You pretty much suck at everything.
No, I don’t know you. But I know you so well.
You failed at kindergarten. You didn’t learn the most basic of skills. Your body grew but your mind didn’t.
Most of what you don’t know is what we teach real children in kindergarten. The author Robert Fulghum penned an entire book on the subject — All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. It really just boils down to a short list though:
These are the things you failed to learn:
“Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life…
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even little seed in the Styrofoam cup — they all die. So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned — the biggest word of all — LOOK.”
You’re the kid that none of the other kids wanted to play with. You’re the kid that took the ball and went to hide because you lost at four-square.
You’re the kid that sat at the top of the slide and wouldn’t let anyone else use it because you were too afraid to slide down. You wouldn’t move because you never learned how to share.
You’re the kid that ran and told the teacher because little Susie looked at you cross-eyed and stuck her tongue out.
You’re the kid that never heard the word “No” growing up.
You never learned to play nice.
You never learned to share.
When you don’t get your way you stomp your feet and throw a toddler-level temper tantrum, which we have all renamed a “Trumpertantrum” (Thank you, Ted Cruz, for that gem). You whine. You cry. When that doesn’t work, you threaten to sue everyone. You have threatened the media. You have threatened Rosie O’Donnell. You have threatened Liberal America. You threaten everyone. You have a host of lawyers at your beck and call. You’ve even threatened to have our laws changed so you can sue more people. It is time for you to grow up.
You’re a child, and you act like a child every single day.
You want to be King of the United States. That ain’t going to happen. We don’t have a royal family line here. We have elections. The people decide who heads our government. It won’t be you. Go back to kindergarten. Learn how to be a gracious loser. You’re going to need that ability.
It’s time for a dose of reality Mr. Trump. Not TV Reality Show reality — real reality. Are you ready?
It’s time for you to return to your kindergarten classroom and learn those life lessons that the rest of us use daily. You are not a functioning member of society. Right now you’re just a loud-mouthed asshole of a school yard bully.
I first read this book in the 1980s. It is a quick read full of anecdotes about the lessons learned in life. The most important lessons, though, are those we learned in kindergarten. Lessons that The Donald apparently never learned.
To purchase All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum, click here.
Featured image from CNN video.
