The United States military has the perception of being a bastion of virile masculinity, even though it has made significant changes during the past few years. Gays and lesbians can openly serve, transgendered individuals can identify as their proper gender and receive medical care, and women can serve in combat roles.
But what’s true for the whole isn’t always true for an individual, especially when absence from duty (called “leave”) is involved.
An Army Specialist recently submitted a request for leave to attend a baby shower. Hey, it’s the 21st century, and mixed gendered baby showers are much more common. But the Specialist’s commanding officer wasn’t quite with the times, and denied the request because “MEN DON’T GO TO BABY SHOWERS.”
The Specialist responded with a hilarious change to the form.
As you can see, he is no longer attending a baby shower. He is:
“Going home to the Appalachian mountains to drink whiskey, wrestle bears, and shoot lots of guns. I also plan to grow out a beard, chop down a hundred trees with my axe and eat 10lbs of thick cut bacon with my wife, whom I plan to have lots of unprotected sex with, because I am a man and that’s just what we do. Football.”
Now see, that’s a suitably manly reason to request leave from duty. I mean who in their right mind wouldn’t grant this man among men his request? If he doesn’t perhaps the Specialist should call Sean Connery and invoke the spirit of Theodore Roosevelt.
The last word says it all, really. Manly in its message and its brevity. Football.
I can only imagine how many laughs Specialist and his wife got from this absurdity. And Mazel Tov on the pending addition to your family!
If you need reminders that even manly soldiers have a softer side, watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyg_5TVi7_Q
Feature image via Youtube screengrab
