Why do people stay in abusive relationships? When you enter the question into Google over six-million search results populate.
For some people, particularly people from lower socioeconomic backgrounds, one of many reasons to stay in an abusive relationship could be the threat of homelessness.
Nuisance ordinances intending to minimize noise and disturbances have had unintended and devastating consequences on victims. These ordinances have forced victims of domestic violence to choose between dialing 911 and eviction.
Lakisha Briggs is one of those victims. As reported by NPR/WMRA, police officers who responded when Lakisha’s boyfriend had become abusive warned her that this was, “her first strike.”
The officers were referring to a three strike rule in Norristown, PA which punishes landlords when a tenant calls the police more than three times in a four month period.
WMRA reported:
“After that first warning, Briggs — who also had a 3-year-old daughter — was reluctant to call the police when her boyfriend beat her up. But one night, when they got into a fight, he slit her neck open with a broken ashtray. When she woke up in a pool of blood, her first thought was not to dial 911.”
“Briggs was airlifted to the hospital. When she returned home several days later, her landlord told her that she had to leave. He said he didn’t want to throw her out, but if he didn’t, he’d be fined $1,000 a day.”
Briggs says:
“The first thing in my mind is let me get out of this house before somebody call. I’d rather them find me on the street than find me at my house like this, because I’m going to get put out if the cops come here.”
This story is as heartbreaking as it is unfair, but it is not unique.
The New York Times reported:
“Over the last 25 years, in a trend still growing, hundreds of cities and towns across the country have adopted nuisance property or “crime-free housing” ordinances.”
The American Sociological Association (ASA) reported that these ordinances were originally part of a plan referred to as “third party policing.” Third party policing is a strategy that was enacted in order to deal with an excess of 911 calls. The theory is that delegating responsibility for certain offenses to stakeholders such as parents, business owners, and landlords will save money and unburden the phone lines and taxpayer dollars.
Instead of taking action, the police impose fines or punitive measures to the stakeholders hoping that they in turn will impose punitive measures such as eviction.
The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) explained why these nuisance orders are fundamentally unfair.
“While proponents of nuisance ordinances argue they are necessary to deter crime, in practice they undermine public safety and punish innocent people – especially vulnerable people who have fewer resources. Domestic violence victims often feel they must endure violence and threats without police intervention when calling the police will lead to homelessness. Nuisance ordinances have also been found to disproportionately impact and be disparately enforced against communities of color and persons with mental disabilities.”
The ASA did a one year study of all the nuisance calls police responded to in Milwaukee (2008-2009). That study found that domestic violence incidents made up nearly one-third of the nuisance calls. The study also found that properties in African-American neighborhoods were disproportionately deemed nuisances.
Nuisance orders deter victims from calling 911 and seeking help. They disproportionately affect minority and vulnerable populations. Due to the consequences they have on victims, enactment of nuisance orders are a gross violation of civil rights.
One problem in dealing with domestic violence is that many people including police officers do not understand the issue. The concept is hard to grasp for someone who is not a survivor of domestic violence.
Why would you let someone hurt you? In part, the answer lies within the question. Victims often feel they have to let the abuse happen. They feel shame and guilt.
When I was in college my professor, a former police officer and the head of the Criminal Justice Department, told a classroom full of future police officers:
“Normal women don’t allow themselves to be abused.”
As a 19-year-old survivor of domestic violence the words hit me hard. I was instantly flooded with feelings of shame and guilt. If I could have only been normal I would not have suffered.
I thought back to all the stupid things I had done as a teenager. I wished I had been a different person, a better girl. I scribbled the words down on in my notebook as if they could somehow protect me:
“Normal women don’t allow themselves to be abused.”
A few semesters later I transferred from community college to the University of Maryland. There, I had a professor who specialized in domestic violence cases. She showed us something called the cycle of domestic violence.
Image courtesy of safe passage via screengrab.
For the first time I realized the abuse might not have happened because there was something inherently wrong with me.
In my case, I stayed in an abusive relationship because I was scared. I stayed because I had feelings of worthlessness, shame, and guilt. I stayed because I thought that after what he’d done, he was the only person who could ever love me. I stayed because of his many threats, stalking, and blackmail.
Whatever the reason a person stays in an abusive relationship, it’s important to meet that person with support.
If you are experiencing domestic violence and you believe you or a loved one is in immediate danger it is recommended that you call 911.
You can learn more about your rights in regarding to housing and domestic violence here.
You can also find assistance by calling the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233, and the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. You can find some additional tips on how to deal with domestic violence on this website.
If you have a friend or a loved one who is a victim of domestic violence you can find resources here as well.
If you are a survivor of domestic violence yourself, you can find resources at this site.
Featured image via YouTube screengrab.
