When most people hear the term “domestic violence,” we picture a battered woman with a black eye because abuse is only abuse, as far as most of us is concerned, when it involves physical injury and violence.
There are, however, many forms of abuse. For example, financial abuse happens when an abuser restricts his or her victim’s access to money, takes the victim’s money, or refuses to use household funds to provide a victim with necessities like medication or food. The types of abuse that aren’t sensationalized in the media with big, splashy pictures of physical injuries often fail to grab our attention.
When we begin to truly see intimate partner abuse as resulting from a need for power and control, we open the door to discussions of many other forms of abuse. A new Twitter hashtag is serving to highlight one of those forms, which is abuse by “coercive control.”
#maybehedoesnthityou but he tells you you’re ‘abnormal’ when you cry and get overly upset.
— Katie Mueller (@KatieM606) May 12, 2016
#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he drives by the places you say you’ll be to make sure you’re not ‘lying’
— Wine Mom (@KatyScar) May 12, 2016
#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he picks on your insecurities and makes you feel worthless
— ✌️ (@Fxckitnashton) May 12, 2016
alternatively, #maybehedoesnthityou but he doesn’t take “no” for an answer when he wants to have sex
— alyssa ▪️ (@abunnelby) May 12, 2016
#maybehedoesnthityou but he makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells to keep peace and hoping that tonight there won’t be a fight.
— Kelley♡♡ (@kelleyyy97) May 12, 2016
#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he keeps you up all night spewing hateful bile and trying to make you feel like shit
— GoddessAmara (@GODDESSiAmara) May 12, 2016
#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he threatens to kill himself every time you talk about breaking up or taking a break
— FKA Sarah (@WithALittleJazz) May 12, 2016
Please don’t let your next question by, “Why does she stay?” There are many reasons why victims stay with their abusers. Leaving is not always the safest option. as the DVIP website explains, “Women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the two weeks after leaving than at any other time during the relationship.”
When hearing a story of abuse, the victim’s actions should never be the ones we criticize or feel outrage over. That should be reserved for the actions of the abuser.
#whyistay every bruise was followed by a night of romance. He was broken, just like me.
— Leah LeChase (@leahlechase) May 12, 2016
Because last time I tried to leave he took my 10monthold breastfeeding daughter from me for 2 months. #whyIstayed #whyistay
— Melissaaa(: (@melissavargax) May 11, 2016
Because I can’t afford to leave him and provide for our child. #WhyIStay
— sil (@Broken_femme) May 11, 2016
If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website here.
For more on emotional abuse, also known as coercive control, see the video below:
Featured image via Twitter