Many things from the past seem silly in retrospect. Fashion, television, and music from different generations seem silly now but were huge back then…but then there are these underwear ads. By themselves alone they will make you cringe, but when you add the fact that it’s a safe bet your grandfather owned at least three of the different but equally emotionally-scarring pairs of underwear listed here, it’s enough to make the next five family dinners you have with him unbearably awkward.
1. People Having Way Too Much Fun Wearing Their Underwear Together
I honestly believe the only reason these guys didn’t choose to wear nothing over wearing Wolsey is because the FCC would be all over the makers of this ad.
2. David Hasslehoff’s Uglier Twin Makes The Women Of France Uncomfortable
I swear it’s like the people at Eminence went to a bargain store to by the off-brand version of the Hoff. This guy has to be doing Baywatch-themed birthday parties now, because there is no way his modeling career took off with that look that says “I just moved into the neighborhood and I’m legally obligated to tell you I’m a sex offender.”
3. Seriously Eminence, Just Fire Your Ad Executive
In another awful attempt at selling the loudest underwear ever, The good people at Eminence show you how to scar a child in the most creative way possible. Honestly, the way Eminence is so good at making ads that make me never want to sleep again or visit the country of France because of the fear that these people may still be there is almost art.
4. Why In God’s Name Do They Have Their Shirts Tucked Into Their Underwear?
I’m telling you that guy in the front with the glasses saw a baby’s onesie and was like “Hey fellas, we should dress like that!” If every model in this picture isn’t on some kind of list somewhere, I have lost all faith in my government.
5. Again, Why The Hell is Your Shirt Tucked Into Your Underwear!?!?
This is the only ad with the realistic reaction to just standing around in your underwear with each other. Each model is doing everything they can to not make eye contact with each other. I don’t know if they just aren’t on that level of comfort with each other or they are just that ashamed of their giraffe print underwear.
6. Fruit Of The Loom Should Stick To The Ads With Men Dressed Up As Fruit
I can only assume this conversation consisted of the guy with pants on telling the other two “Seriously guys, can you get dressed? You’re making all of us really uncomfortable!” This ad has to be solely responsible for a generation of kids getting way more into football than baseball.
7. Oh My God, Stop Tucking Your Shirt Into Your Underwear!!!
Hey I don’t want to critique your parenting technique, but maybe find other ways to bond with your son than hanging out with nothing but your underwear and shoes on. I hear tossing a football around is nice…especially with clothes on. Just saying…
8. Is This Ad Racist? It Feels Like It’s Racist…
I don’t know exactly what’s going on in this ad, but I assume it has something to do with the three aryan looking guys plotting a way to get the jump on that hideous, just awful abomination that Allen-A created before it can hurt anyone else.
9. The Most Masculine Thing You Have Ever Seen In Your Life
I am convinced that Clint Eastwood had a hand in making this ad. I can promise you this man owns at least four pairs of spurs and wears them regularly. This ad is way more fun if you imagine that the only reason he has that hat on is because of a terrible superglue accident.
10. The Ad Responsible For The Death Of Disco
I guess it is true that literally everyone was on drugs in the 70’s. At first I thought they’re in the weirdest disco ever, but then that guy has a towel for some reason…I don’t know. I do wish I was in the meeting that made this ad though just so I could see the stroke of genius that created the word “funtawear.”
11. What…What Am I Looking At?
Words fail me…how did this get okayed by anyone with a pulse? Was the mustache not enough for this man to get the word out that he was the creepiest man in the world? I am completely sure this man hunted all the minks used to make this underwear himself and enjoyed it way too much.
I want to go ahead and personally apologize for showing you these images. I know you’ll have much trouble sleeping tonight, as I will, and I am sorry for that.
Featured Image Posted via Pixabay by Kennethmcandrew under CCO Public Domain
