Star Wars Pool Toys Resemble Pocket Rockets – Parents Irritated


A few days ago, Indiana mom Joni Jones brought her kids to Target for some family retail therapy. Wandering down the toy aisle, she saw something that made her look twice. She doesn’t say whether she purchased the item, but she took the time to photograph it and sendĀ a Facebook message to Target:

Image from Facebook, via The Gaily Grind
Image from Facebook, via The Gaily Grind.

The toys call themselves “Dive Characters” (whatever that is), and promote that they are “fun in and out of the pool!” Sounds innocent enough, and yet they look like something that children should not be experimenting with (at least not until their teenage years!).

Target took the time to respond to Jones’ social media query. Here’s what the department store had to say:

Image from Facebook, via The Gaily Grind.
Image from Facebook, via The Gaily Grind.

This sounds like a new level of politically correct double-talk:

“We apologize for your disappointment. Occasionally, we carry merchandise that some guests may find objectionable.”

I guess there really isn’t anything wrong with toys that look like dildos. I mean, if kids started using them as dildos, it would raise some serious questions, but most likely kids would be none the wiser. Yet something so obviously phallic being sold to children doesn’t quite sit right with me, either. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it.

Maybe my real question is: WTF are kids actually supposed to do with these toys? We know they’re not supposed to be dildos, and we know that they’re called “Dive Characters,” but what do you do with them? Are they those things that shoot up when you hold them straight up under water?

I think one of the reasons that I am unhappy with this product is that it shows how lazy film merchandising has gotten. It is to the point where they just slap the characters’ likenesses on any nonsense, phallic-shaped piece of plastic, pop it on the shelves, and call it a day.

NB: A Liberal America colleague just informedĀ me that these products are for kids to throw into a pool and dive after. I believe my points still stand, especially the “laziness in merchandising” one. A stick to dive after in the pool equivalent of “fetch” is just about as lazy as it comes.