First of all, please understand this list is only a partial one. To compile a list of all the stupid, crazy, head-scratching, WTF?! things that were said by conservatives in 2015 would take me until this time in 2016. So I just decided to go with a few of my favorites.
Keep in mind, with 2016 an election year, next year’s list should have some real choice morsels on it. For now, just enjoy these:
Pat Robertson On Demon-Possessed Vegetables
“God gave you and me as human beings authority, he gave us dominion over everything on this Earth. Over all the animals, all the snakes, all the birds, all the plants, all the vegetables. Cocaine is the product of a vegetable, alcohol is the product of a vegetable, marijuana is a vegetable. And yet, people are enslaved to vegetables. And you were made in the image of God. God made you in his image to reign and rule with him. He gave you incredible authority. Why would you become a slave to a vegetable? Why? Why would you do it?”
(Put the carrot down, buddy, and no one gets hurt!)
Regis Giles, Of “Girls Just Want To Have Guns” On Tiny, Harmless Bullets
“Sorry, it’s actually target ammunition. And no person who uses a gun to carry will use this because it’s not as effective as others. And to say that this is going to pierce through the armor of cops is ridiculous because it’s a tiny bullet like this big. And to say that the cop’s Kevlar isn’t tough enough to handle that ammunition is ridiculous. And like the FBI said, no one has used this in a handgun to shoot a cop.”
(If tiny bullets are banned, only tiny ants will have tiny bullets.)
Ben Carson On Egyptian History
“My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain. Now all the archaeologists think that they were made for the pharaohs’ graves. But, you know, it would have to be something awfully big — when you stop and think about it, and I don’t think it’d just disappear over the course of time — to store that much grain.”
(Why grain? Why not giant vats of wine? Or better yet, why not the addled brains of former neurosurgeons?)
Louie Gohmert: When In Doubt, It’s Gotta Be Obama’s Fault
“The President has made clear it may be time to move out of the way so that these Palestinians that want to obliterate Israel can have their will. I am not accusing anybody, I am raising questions. If the United States says, ‘Here, Palestinian terrorist groups, we want to provide you the vehicle to have a powerful place right in the middle, a huge section of Israel. We want to give you that place, and you have made clear, we know you have made clear, once you are there, you are going to wipe out Israel,’ does that make the United States’ leaders that facilitate that, does that make them accessories? I am just asking. Mr. Speaker, you can advise the Parliamentarian, I am not accusing anybody. I am just asking the question.”
(I am not accusing anybody. I am just asking the question: Could Gohmert be a bigger asshat?)
Katie Pavlich On White Privilege
“To me, especially in the Northeast, confronting my white privilege is going to the tanning salon. Look, we’re talking about this white privilege issue, and yes, it’s funny and it’s easy to laugh at, but I actually think it’s quite racist, and I think we have to talk about it in those terms. You’re being prejudiced towards people based on the color of their skin, and I reject this idea that only white people can be racist when white students on these university campuses are now being ostracized for the color of their skin.”
(Katie, you spent so much time in the tanning salon that it burned up the tiny shred of a brain you once possessed.)
h/t Raw Story
Featured image by Flickr, available under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license.
