Asexuality, like other sexual minorities within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, is commonly seen as baffling to those even within the queer community. According to an asexuality expert, Anthony F. Boegart, only one percent of the population is asexual. Now with a number that small, and a visibility that’s even smaller, it isn’t shocking that misconceptions about asexuality are flying all about.
Common generalizations about asexuality are that people who identify as asexual are sexually repressed, are making a conscious choice to be asexual, and that they simply cannot seem to find someone who is attracted to them so they proceed to give up. The best way to clear up ignorance on a topic is to shed light on it. So instead of pumping out things that Asexuality is, I am going to focus on five things that Asexuality is not about.
1. Asexuality is not a medical issue.
It is exactly what the world implies: a sexuality. Asexuality is just another sexual orientation like homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, etc. The difference lies in the fact that while other sexualities experience sexual attraction, asexual people do not. Asexual people are not some medical anomaly nor do they have a mental illness. People who identify as asexual can still love, have a healthy, stable relationship, and yes, have sex (more on that later).
2. Asexuality has nothing to do with your romantic attraction or gender identity.
Asexual people actually may take more time reflecting on these two things because they aren’t so preoccupied on their levels of sexual attraction to people because there is none. Being asexual does not mean that a person is immediately aromantic or agender. To fully understand this means to take the time to learn what romantic orientation and gender identity are. And when in person, never assume. It doesn’t hurt to inquire.
A person’s identity is multi-faceted and can be complex so feel free to ask. Making rude and/or ignorant assumptions will not do anything but make you look a bit Linda Harvey-ish.
3. Asexuality and celibacy are not the same thing.
Just…no. Celibacy is someone who has decided of their own accord to abstain from sexual intercourse for moral, religious, or personal beliefs. Asexuality isn’t so much a choice as just the way a person is.
To make this one sentence: celibacy is a choice to abstain from sex whereas asexuality is not. Our society’s hypersexualization makes it hard for people to understand the fact that some people simply don’t have sexual attraction.
4. Being asexual does not equate to never having sex
To go back to the first point, some asexual people do have sex! Asexuality is not a two-sided coin, but, like many things, lie on a spectrum. There are some people who identify as “grey-asexual” (or simply “Grey” or “Grey-A”). Grey-asexuality is when a person infrequently feels sexual attraction or does feel sexual attraction but rarely feels a need to act on this attraction.
Another extension of grey-asexuality is demisexuality. A person who identifies as demisexual means that one doesn’t have any sexual attraction toward anyone you don’t feel an emotional connection with. Being a demisexual does not mean you are sexually attracted to demi-gods or any other mythical creature for that matter. And asexuality, in general, does not have any implication of being “holier than thou” nor is it a commentary on you, your genitalia, or how attractive you may think you are.
Our obsession with sex is what causes asexuality to be as underrepresented and misunderstood as it is today. The idea of someone not wanting to have sex or wanting sex only when they want to have sex shouldn’t be so far-fetched honestly.
5. Asexual people are not broken
5a. Being asexual does not mean you have a mental illness.
5b. It does not mean you have been sexually abused.
5c.It does not mean you have a fear of sex.
5d. It does not mean you are incapable of loving someone.
5e. It does not mean you think sex, people who engage in sex, or genitalia are “icky”.
5f. It does not mean you have a superiority complex.
Asexual people are like everyone else: people who want to be understood and respected for who they are, as who they are.
Now why would I feel the need to write about this? Go onto Google and type in “asexuality is” and look at the suggestions that show up before you hit enter. Go on. I’ll wait.
Seeing those suggested search terms made me want to evaporate into a pile of expletives; however, considering that is humanly impossible, I thought maybe sharing information with humanity would be much more helpful than leaving it behind. Hopefully I made the right decision.
