The poor little GOP candidates running for President got their feelings hurt at the last debate hosted by CNBC, and now they have decided to send a list of demands to networks that want to televise or host any future debates.
However, there was one notable absence from the list of networks this list was sent to: Fox News did not receive the notice. What a shock, huh? They’re already in the bag for the Republicans, so no need to lay out demands to them.
Here’s how the letter sent to the other networks goes. Feel free to take a break from time to time and shake our head or laugh out loud at just how preposterous this whole thing is:
This letter is on behalf of the 15 Republican Presidential campaigns. We are aware that you are sponsoring a debate on _____ at ______. Below and attached are questions about your debate to which the campaigns would appreciate answers at your earliest convenience, and in any event no later than a month from today.
The answers you provide to these questions are part of a process that each campaign will use to determine whether its candidate will participate in your debate.
Yeah, ’cause if you piss us off, we turn into the Soup Nazi from “Seinfeld,” and No debate for you!
Then the letter asks the networks to explain the specifics of how each debate will be set up: When it will be held, what the format will be, how the opening statements work, etc. But then this letter takes the form of demands, and here’s where it just gets downright embarrassing. Hard to believe so-called “adults” can act like this.
Networks, the letter specifies, should NOT:
- Allow candidate-to-candidate questions (You mean like in an actual debate?)
- Have a “lightening round” (Yep, they misspelled the word. Did Sarah Palin write this missive?)
- Have reaction shots of members of the audience or moderators during the debates (Afraid those will be more interesting than the candidates, are they?)
- Show an empty podium after a break (Why, so no one will notice that none of these idiots running for the GOP has an actual stage presence?)
- Use behind the shots of candidates showing their notes (Notes? What notes?!)
Also, the temperature must be kept at a constant 67 degrees. Yeah, because that will make the morons onstage appear smarter and not show them sweating when they forget their name.
Debates are basically job interviews for what may well be the most important job on the face of the earth. And now the GOP wants to control what can and cannot be asked or shown? If I were the networks, I would singe the edges of the letter and send it back to the Republicans. Tell them, Nah, we aren’t interested. Good luck getting your message out.
Then, instead of airing the debates, I’d just show reruns of the old Bozo TV show. Hey, same thing, isn’t it?