I find it unfortunate that after 34 years, we are still trying to “bring awareness” to a cause that seems to affect so many. Unfortunately, we still live in a time when we allow ourselves to believe that raising awareness to an issue is the same thing as doing something about it, and that simply is not so.
I will never forget the first time my ex-husband physically abused me. Our son had just been born and things were not going as we had planned. The baby was colicky, I was suffering from a mild case of postpartum depression, and my husband had just gotten laid off from his job.
I don’t remember exactly what started the argument, but as usual there was a disagreement that evening –only this time something was different. I’m not sure if it was the way my husband looked at me, or if it was just a subconscious instinct that I felt; but without warning, it seemed as if all of the air in the room had suddenly dropped out from in between us, and I was instantly stricken with an overwhelming urge to leave immediately.
I walked as calmly as I could towards our son’s bassinet as my knees began to shake beneath me. I tried to maintain my composure as I scooped the baby up into my arms, although I could feel my husband’s ominous stare upon my back. At this point, I was only three steps from the front door, and I knew that I had to act quickly, so without any hesitation, I turned on my heels and raced for the exit. He was on top of me before I ever reached the doorknob. That is the last thing I remember from that day.
My story is not unique; unfortunately, domestic violence affects more than 25 percent of America’s women, and nearly three million of our nation’s men. According to The U.S. Department of Justice, domestic violence can be defined as a “pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.” This abuse can manifest itself in many forms, whether it be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological; and it can be acted out as not only physical actions but as threats of physical actions that are intended to influence another person and the decisions they make.
Since its creation in 1981, this will be the 34th year that our country has recognized October as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I find it unfortunate that after 34 years, we are still trying to “bring awareness” to a cause that seems to affect so many. The Department of Justice estimates that nearly three out of four (74 percent) of Americans personally know someone who is or who has been a victim of domestic violence. More than three million children will witness domestic violence in their homes this year, and of those three million, 30-60 percent will also suffer from abuse or neglect themselves.
These numbers are staggering, and shameful.
With statistics such as these, you might think that by now we would all be well aware of domestic violence and the negative effects that it has upon our society; or in the very least that our elected officials would have taken a more aggressive stance against domestic violence, but in fact we seem to be doing the exact opposite. Our citizens have become silently consensual to the abuse, not wanting to “get involved” with issues between intimate partners; our women have become accepting of the abuse, as “just another part of married life”; and our children have become numb to the abuse, losing a part of their innocence with each selfish act.
Other than the renewing of the hotly debated and widely protested Violence Against Women Act in 2013 by President Obama, legislative measures aimed at protecting abused women (and men) have been moving in a seemingly retroactive direction; particularly where our gun control laws are concerned.
The American Journal of Public Health reports that the presence of a gun in domestic violence situations increases the risk of homicide for women by 500 percent, and that more than half of women murdered with guns are killed by family members or intimate partners. Despite these facts, state legislators across our nation have relaxed gun control measures and have indeed made it easier for abusive partners to gain access to firearms.
While the Federal Gun Control Act of 1968 still makes it illegal for a person to possess a firearm after being convicted of a misdemeanor crime of domestic violence or domestic assault, there are many states which allow open forum sales to take place without proper background and criminal investigations prior to gun purchases. It is no coincidence that these same states also seem to have the highest domestic homicide rates in the country.
So what can we do about it?
First, you can start by writing your elected officials. Tell them that you have had enough of this atrocious behavior, and that you want comprehensive protections by law against domestic violence. Request harsher punishments for offenders, and demand that gun control laws keep up with the pace of today’s rush to weapons.
Secondly, our job as citizens is to stop the silence. We need to become more aware of the relationships we encounter, and learn to recognize the signs of abuse. It isn’t enough to know it when you see it, but you must act upon it as well, and report the abuse to the authorities.
Unfortunately, we still live in a time when we allow ourselves to believe that raising awareness to an issue is the same thing as doing something about it, and that simply is not so. We have become satisfied with our own complacency. Domestic violence isn’t something that only affects people for one month out of the year, it is a never-ending cycle of abuse and shame. Thirty-four years after our first National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we are all now blatantly aware of the problem, so when are we actually going to start doing something about it?
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, you can find help by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
