Sarah Teale, a BBC journalist, was recently filming a report on public sexual harassment. Just as Teale was wrapping up her report, she was verbally assaulted with a sexually crude comment by a male stranger.
The station beeped the actual statement, but you could tell by the look on her face it was pretty disgusting. It’s unknown if the perpetrator overheard her report or if it was just a coincidence. Here is the video of the incident.
https://youtu.be/IZhru47MpAA
If you have a few minutes, I would like to go a bit deeper into this issue. I think the biggest problem regarding this issue is that many people, mainly men but some women, do not see catcalls as a problem at all.
One thing that most men don’t think about is how women experience fear and personal safety concern on a daily basis. I’m not saying that every woman is scared every second of the day; however, women are more inclined to feel threatened by male behavior, no matter how “benign” men may view the behavior.
While it may be an exaggeration to say that all women feel threatened on a daily basis, there are probably a good percentage that do. Especially when you start looking at women who live in large metropolitan cities.
Writer Bryan Reeves shared a story about an experience he had while attending a Tony Robbins event in 2013. The crowd consisted of 2,000 people, roughly half men and half women. Toney asked this question first:
“Men, raise your hand if you have felt unsafe at any point during the last week.”
Reeves said that maybe five hands went up. Robins then asked the same question to the ladies:
“Ladies, how many of you have felt unsafe at any time during the last week?”
Reeves said that just about every woman in the room raised their hand.
That story has always served as a very powerful reminder for me how — as a man — it’s very rare for me to feel as though my personal safety is being threatened unless it’s a very direct threat. I don’t have to worry about being gawked at, followed, catcalled, or touched inappropriately by either men or women. I honestly think the closest a man will ever relate to how afraid women can feel on a daily basis is if he goes to prison.
Reeves also does an excellent job addressing how many men seek to shame other men who talk about subjects like this; you can read more of his thoughts here.
Many women often ask why men “catcall”? Personally, I’ve never done it. For one, I’m a very shy person. Two, I just find it rude and demeaning. Catcalling has always felt wrong to me, and I think much less of any man who engages in it.
Keep in mind these are just my opinions on why men engage in this behavior.
- Many men who engage in catcalling are sexually frustrated. A lot of men who are insecure about themselves will use catcalling as a way of verbally raping a woman. I know that term sounds extreme, but think about what rape is actually about. It’s about power. Catcalling follows the same logic, basically saying to a woman “I can say whatever I please to you whenever I please and there is nothing you can do to stop me.”
- Many guys actually believe that deep down inside, every woman enjoys hearing “compliments” and sexually suggestive comments. Those men are the ones who only say “positive” things to women such as: “hey beautiful,” “beautiful,” “looking good,” etc… These men are especially defensive about their behavior. They honestly cannot or choose not to see the harm that they are inflicting.
- There are some men who are very dangerous and may be working up the nerve to carry out a physical sexual assault. Like serial killers, some rapists start small. They may visit strip clubs, view lots of pornography, and hire prostitutes in order to work up to a mindset of dehumanizing women to the degree necessary for them to commit their crime.
Many men regard an enlightened male mindset toward women as weak, even traitorous. These men may think that their precious masculinity is being stripped away and that they just can’t “be men” anymore. A former MMA fighter legally named “Warmachine” allegedly brutalized and attempted to rape his ex-girlfriend Christy Mack. Warmachine is facing 34 felony charges, which include attempted murder, sexual assault, and kidnapping. He could face life in prison.
Mack suffered 18 broken bones around her eyes, her nose was broken in two places, and she had teeth knocked out and broken. Mack was unable to see from her left eye, chew, or speak clearly due to her injuries. She also suffered a fractured rib and ruptured liver from being kicked by her assailant.
Warmachine attempted suicide while in jail; his trial began on September 28th. Here is an excerpt from his delusional suicide letter:
“Oh man, writing all of this has me crying like a lil’ bitch! I still don’t understand how I got into this mess, I don’t know why this had to happen. My life was going so well. I know that I made mistakes in the past but I had corrected that and was living life correctly. It is one thing to catch a case when you set out to commit a crime, but catching a case when you have nothing but good intentions in your heart is just so hard to accept.
The severity of the charges makes it that much worse. They wanna charge me with battery and DV? Fine, do it, but don’t railroad me with B.S. fantasy charges like rape! Attempted murder! Kidnapping! And burglary! It’s [expletive deleted] ridiculous. And it’s making it impossible for justice. I’m a good person with a huge heart and everyone who knows me knows that, especially Christy.
I don’t know what has happened to her but I’m not gonna watch the woman I love go on the stand and tell painful lies about me. I don’t know if her scumbag agent is making her do this for $/publicity, or if the D.A. is just pressuring her/scaring her, or what. Anyway, thank you to all who have supported me over the years. I appreciate you all, sorry if I’ve let you down. I hope you choose to remember me for my times of strength and not for this. Society has killed men. I was never meant to live in this era anyway. Follow your dreams and think for yourselves.
“Verily, often laugh at the weaklings who think themselves good because they have no claws.” – Nietzche” (sic)
Warmachine’s case is an extreme example of how the male ego can become so polluted by its own natural “machismo” that it warps our humanity into something twisted and unrecognizable.
Catcalls may not be as extreme as the crimes Warmachine is accused of committing, but make no mistake, catcallers draw from the same well of deluded male narcissism. Men need to understand that the fear women feel when men engage in behavior such as catcalling is perfectly justified. There are thousands of stories each day about women experiencing extreme acts of violence by complete strangers as well as the people in their lives.
Not caring how your completely controllable behavior makes women feel is not an option if you count yourself as a real man.
