Criminal justice in Texas has always been kind of batty. After all, it is illegal to take more than three sips of beer while standing, two people are legally married if they announce they are man and wife three times publicly, and a woman who adjusts her stockings can be incarcerated in the state pen for up to twelve months.
But, I suppose some judges in this backward state don’t think that the criticisms of criminal justice in Texas are bad enough. Smith County Judge Randall Rogers sure doesn’t seem to think so, as he recently told a young man that he had to marry his girlfriend as part of his probation requirements.
A little backstory.
Elizabeth Jaynes’ ex-boyfriend was being disrespectful toward her, which of course, infuriated her current boyfriend (now husband), Josten Bundy. Since we no longer slap people in the face with gloves while demanding “satisfaction” or walk ten paces away from each other before turning around and opening fire, Bundy’s method of defending his girlfriend’s (now wife’s) honor was one that we all have probably made at some point in our lives.
He beat the crap out of Jaynes’ ex-boyfriend.
Unfortunately for Josten Bundy, assault charges were filed against him. When Bundy appeared before Judge Rogers in mid-July, the judge asked the 20-year-old if Elizabeth was “worth it.” Bundy responded by saying that he was “raised with four sisters and if any man was talking to a woman like that, [he’d] probably do the same thing.”
This was the point when Judge Rogers handed down his own brand of batshit Texas criminal justice. He told Bundy that, under the terms of his probation, he had to marry Elizabeth Jaynes within 30 days. Failure to do so would result in a 15-day stint in the pokey.
So, like any young couple would do while staring at a possible visit to the slammer, Bundy and Jaynes got a marriage license and were wed before Texas God.
A tried-and-true, Texas-style shotgun wedding! Well, not exactly. Jaynes isn’t underage or pregnant. But close enough!
Of course, to state that the Bundy-Jaynes wedding was a joyous affair would be a gross overstatement of facts. While I’m sure they love each other and saw a future together — Bundy did state in an interview they had discussed marriage — tying the knot because of some zany judge’s method of criminal justice is, I’m sure, the least romantic means by which to pledge their lives.
The judge’s brand of criminal justice also pissed off Elizabeth Jaynes’ father, Kenneth, who questioned whether Judge Rogers could legally order two people to get married.
According to attorney Blake Bailey, who specializes in constitutional law, Judge Rogers’ “left-field” criminal justice is illegal.
But since when has criminal justice in Texas ever really been about what’s legal and what isn’t? For a state whose governing body is pissed off about rulings by “activist judges,” there sure as hell are a bunch of them under their noses.
Of course, this is Texas, a perpetual joke of a state where Encyclopedia Brittanica is banned because it contains a beer recipe, a criminal must give their victims 24 hours notice before committing a crime, and two trains, when meeting at a crossing, must both come to a full stop and wait for the other train to go.
