We all have them – friends and relatives that vote conservative. We can’t figure them out. Their logic defies reason. Well, really, there probably isn’t much logic involved if you think about it. They say some of the craziest things. I spend half of my day shaking my head and wondering how they can possibly be that gullible. Here’s a short list I’ve compiled of some of the most common crazy things they say and my response, some of which is just me ranting or cracking funny about their insanity.
1. Gay marriage is going to cause the end of the world
It is. Really. We wouldn’t joke about something like that. Well, yeah we would. But seriously, the world is going to end now because gay people have the right to get married. The apocalypse is upon us!
2. Gay marriage is going to cause D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Yep, it sure will. And divorce attorneys are having a party. You see, when heterosexual people were the only ones allowed to marry legally, the lawyers had a very limited client base. Now, because gays can marry legally, they also have to divorce legally – that will make divorce lawyers very happy. Gone are the days of gays just deciding to split up and renting a U-Haul and calling themselves divorced. Now they will?have that pesky little piece of paper that will need to be resolved in the courts.
But seriously, if your heterosexual marriage ends because gay marriage is now legal – one of you was gay.
3. All these super storms are because of gay marriage
Super Storm Sandy? Yep – gay marriage. Over 150 tornadoes ripping through the Midwest in one hour? Yep – gay marriage. The Boston Blizzard from last winter? Yep – gay marriage. The flooding in Texas? Yep – gay marriage. Hurricane Katrina? Nope, sorry – that was Obama.
Those damn gays – they need to quit affecting our weather all the time. You’d think they’d be happy they can get married and give us beautiful, 72° F days, with bright sunshine, a slight breeze, and RAINBOWS! When all else fails, buy this t-shirt and wear it proudly.
4. Obama is going to take everyone’s guns away
Yeah . . . No, this isn’t happening. We do, however, need some stepped up regulations regarding who can obtain guns, where they can be openly displayed, and how they should be stored. I can’t even count the number of children that have been hurt or killed by guns left lying around by so-called ‘responsible’ gun owners. If they were responsible, the guns would have been locked in a gun safe, not loaded and laying on the coffee table where the two-year-old could reach it.
5. Everyone that gets Welfare is on drugs
So, as a result, it makes perfect sense to spend our tax money on sending them out for drug testing, right? Wrong. Numerous studies have been conducted on the effectiveness of random drug screening for Welfare recipients. the figures are astonishing. The Tennessean reports:
“Thirty-seven of 16,017 applicants for the Families First cash assistance program between July and December tested positive for illegal substances, according to the Department of Human Services.”
At least 12 states have enacted drug testing programs, mostly targeting TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) recipients. The cost of drug screening outweighs the amount in savings as the tests have resulted in less than 1% of recipients being caught using drugs.
6. Every single Republican candidate for president got a personal call from God
It’s true. Every single one of them has been hand selected by God and informed that they were the savior of the free world and they MUST run for president. I haven’t heard any whispers about who God has actually selected yet. Personally I think he may just be sending us a humorous collection of clowns to keep us laughing because he has a good sense of humor. I wonder if God has an iPhone or an Android . . .
7. Michelle Obama is fat and has no business telling us how to feed our kids
Really? I guess maybe if you spell fat “H-A-W-T” because that woman is absolutely beautiful. As to telling us how to feed our kids? The national childhood obesity rate is down 43% since she started campaigning for healthy eating, nutritious lunches in our schools, and getting plenty of exercise. Every First Lady has a list of pet projects – this was hers. Exercise and healthy eating – nothing wrong with that in my book.
8. The Confederate Battle Flag represents US Soldiers that fought for our country
No. No it doesn’t, and it never did. It was a flag designed to be carried into battle AGAINST the United States by soldiers representing plantation owners that didn’t want to give up owning other human beings.
No matter how you try to spin it, the Civil War was fought because the plantation owners in the south had a temper tantrum and decided that they would fight AGAINST the United States government. The Confederate Battle Flag was designed to be carried into battle AGAINST the United States. That is history. You can’t change that and you can’t re-write it to glorify a flag and make it something it wasn’t. The Confederate Battle Flag signifies a battle against the United States government.
It currently symbolizes hatred and racism because you allowed it to be adopted and used by organizations like the Ku Klux Klan and Neo-Nazi groups as a standard to signify white supremacy. If that flag was such an important part of your “heritage” why didn’t you stop those hate groups from adopting it and using it as their battle standard? It obviously wasn’t all that important to you then. Why is it now? Or do you agree with those hate groups and that’s why you don’t mind them using your precious flag?
The Confederate Battle Flag symbolizes racism and hate – and you allowed that to happen – so don’t come crying to us about it being such an important part of your “heritage.”
9. The Constitution is based on the principles of the Bible
No, it isn’t. Most of the Founding Fathers identified as Deists (pronounced day-ists). They intentionally incorporated the separation of church and state into our government because the whole reason they left Europe was to get away from religious persecution. They knew that mixing politics and religion would be a BAD thing. Not one of them used the Bible to form the premise of our government. That is history. You can’t re-write it and make Moses one of the Founding Fathers just because you want to. History doesn’t work that way.
10. Obamacare is crappy insurance
Dude, Obamacare is not insurance. The ACA is the list of regulations telling PRIVATE insurance companies what they need to provide in their policies to make sure that your medical needs are covered. If your insurance got cancelled it wasn’t because Obamacare sucks – it was because your policy was worthless and the PRIVATE insurance company was ripping you off and charging you a fortune for a policy that did nothing. Obamacare made it harder for insurance companies to rip you off and sell you junk policies. A little bit of reading on your part would do wonders in allowing you to understand these simple things.
11. It’s all Obama’s fault – everything in the world is Obama’s fault
No matter what it is, or when it happened, it is Obama’s fault. World War II? Yep, Obama’s fault. Mt. St. Helen’s eruption? Yep, Obama’s fault. Oh, wait, nope – volcanoes are because of gay marriage. Sorry about that. Your Aunt Susie squeezed your cheek too hard when you were 7? Yep – Obama’s fault. You didn’t have a date for the prom in high school? Yep – Obama’s fault. Everything bad that ever happened in the world? Yep – all Obama’s fault.
