A woman wrote to a self-described ?Christian? blogger asking for advice with an important question,
?Is my husband raping me??
Un- Christian Ministry
Unfortunately, the woman turned to an anti-feminist blogger for advice about her husband. She picked the wrong guy to ask. His experience can be quickly summed up as:
- doing a lot of reading over the last year
- writing several articles on gender differences
- quoting his own articles as proof
- quoting Bible passages selectively or not in full
- being a 40-something, white man
- operating anonymously
- discrediting feminists and marital rape counsellors
The Problem
The woman lays out her problem to the faceless blogger,
?My husband has sex with me whether I want it or not, all of the time. It has tainted our marriage and our sex life to the point of disgust. Even when I would cry, he would still have sex with me.
??I have told him this is not love; this is not biblical love… So please tell me how this is not sin. How this is not rape, or abuse of some sort. Because in my mind I feel like I am living with my molester every day.
?So as a Christian woman do I just keep taking it and keep the smile on my face pretending everything is ok when it is killing me inside??
Wife’s Experience
She described her sexual experiences with her husband:
- finding sex painful during pregnancy
- getting drunk before sex and feeling numb
- putting a pillow over her face and saying, ?Just get it over with.?
- believing he only wants her for sex, so she feels like a whore and a prostitute
- feeling unloved and that he doesn’t care about her
- hating his touch
- becoming sick to her stomach after sex
- becoming deeply depressed, sad, and heartbroken after sex
- begging to go to a counselor
Her husband reacts to her:
- ?It will only take a few minutes, and I’ll be quick.?
- ?What is your problem??
- Telling her that drinking was a great idea, even when she is pregnant, and stocking the refrigerator with alcohol
Blogger’s Poor Advice
The blogger’s advice for women:
- remove all bitterness from their hearts and get rid of their ?horrible attitude?
- eliminate the terms ?rape? and ?molester? from their vocabularies
- submit spiritually, mentally, and sexually to their husbands
- find other ways of sexually pleasing their husbands
- don’t expect romance, conversation, or together time outside of the bedroom
- realize ?a wife is a real whore when she doesn’t feel like having sex?
- believe their husbands have a right to have sex with them
- see that husbands should ?put her need to not experience more pain and discomfort ahead of his need for sex?
- but realize that ?if the pain lasts for weeks or a month, she should have put his need for sex above her need to not experience additional discomfort?
- know the wife is sinning if she is disgusted by her husband
- repent for believing the devil who wants to destroy marriages
- understand a man should go to counselling but only after his wife submits to him
So is the woman’s husband raping her? The pseudo-counsellor advises that as long as he isn’t violent,
??it is IMPOSSIBLE Biblically speaking for a man to rape his wife. Abuse? Yes. Rape? No.? ?
Golden Rule?
Then the blogger does a complete 180 and refers the woman to his personal golden rule,
?Don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing.?
What? That comment is crazy. I prefer a different golden rule – the one found in Matthew 7:12,
?Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.?
