Texas School Districts Should Have Fryers Because ‘Liberty’

Texas Republicans are obsessed with liberty. Sid Miller is one of those Republicans, and as state agriculture commissioner, he believes the state’s ban on fried food and soda machines in Texas schools is wrong because of liberty and freedom. From NPR:

“But Miller insists his proposal is not about treating kids to fried food. ‘We’re all about what our country was founded on ? we’re about giving our school districts freedom, liberty and individual responsibility,’ says Miller, a Tea Party Republican and former state representative, who is rarely seen in public without his white cowboy hat.”

So, why is this even a thing? Well, because about one-third of Texas students age 10 to 17 are fat, a statistic which prompted the former state agriculture commissioner, Susan Combs, a Republican, to implement stricter nutritional standards in Texas schools, including bans on fried food, bans on soda machines in cafeterias, and forbidding parents from sending their kids to school with things like cupcakes for their class.

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Granted, the cupcake thing pissed off parents, but I’m petty sure ten years is plenty of time to become acclimated to the policy or for their kids to graduate high school. But, here comes Sid Miller, with his dumb white cowboy hat, probably waving six-shooters in the air like he’s a patriotic Yosemite Sam, giving school districts “freedom” by rolling back nutritional policies that aim to make kids healthier and replace them with policies that are going to qualify Texas students to do “diabeetus” commercials with Wilford Brimley.

Miller took over the state agriculture commissioner position in January and quickly began shooting at Combs’ initiatives with liberty bullets. From KFYO-AM:

“‘We want families, teachers and school districts in Texas to know the Texas Department of Agriculture has abolished all rules and guidelines that would stop a parent from bringing cupcakes to school,’ said Commissioner Miller last week. ‘This act is about providing local control to our communities.’

Miller also said today, ‘I’m also granting full pardon to pies and cookies and brownies and homemade candies.’ He continued, ‘Texas will no longer keep (parents) from bringing cupcakes to your children’s parties or celebrations at school.'”

A full pardon to pies and cookies and brownies and homemade candies? Are you kidding me with that rhetoric? It’s not like confectioneries are currently sitting on Texas death row for a crime they didn’t commit.

Susan Combs responded to Sid Miller’s goals in an op/ed she penned for the Houston Chronicle back in April.

“As Comptroller of Public Accounts, I could see the potential damage to the Texas economy if we failed to take action on obesity. In 2011, I released a report on the rising costs of obesity in Texas and estimated obesity-related costs for Texas businesses were $9.5 billion in 2009. Left unchecked, obesity could cost employers $32.5 billion annually by 2030. Bottom line, our ‘strapping kids’ are not particularly healthy kids.”

I guess this shows Sid Miller is your typical, run-of-the-mill economic conservative — the future economic drawback is unimportant so long as Texas school districts are purged of the big government monkey on their backs.

Ultimately, the health of Texas students is in Sid Miller’s hands and since he is likely to succeed in cutting back the restrictions, like skinning a deer with a freedom knife, every Texas student will have access to all of the yummy, unhealthy foods they want, so long as their school district allows it. Starting in August, we’ll probably start seeing more school lunches consisting of fried chicken strips, Twinkies, and Dr. Pepper.

Should we add a second definition to “freedom fries” as well?

Robert could go on about how he was raised by honey badgers in the Texas Hill Country, or how he was elected to the Texas state legislature as a 19-year-old wunderkind, or how he won 219 consecutive games of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots against Hugh Grant, but those would be lies. However, Robert does hail from Lewisville, Texas, having been transplanted from Fort Worth at a young age. Robert is a college student and focuses his studies on philosophical dilemmas involving morality, which he feels makes him very qualified to write about politicians. Reading the Bible turned Robert into an atheist, a combative disposition toward greed turned him into a humanist, and the fact he has not lost a game of Madden football in over a decade means you can call him "Zeus." If you would like to be his friend, you can send him a Facebook request or follow his ramblings on Twitter. For additional content that may not make it to Liberal America, Robert's internet tavern, The Zephyr Lounge, is always open