With all the fuss over the ‘invasion of Texas’ scheduled to occur during the upcoming Jade Helm 15 Joint Military Training Exercise, I thought I’d come up with some decorating and fashion?ideas for my Texas friends so they can (hopefully) avoid some of the crazy that seems to be taking over the entire state. It’s too late for the governor, but you still have time to maintain some sanity.
The first item you will need is the basic Tin Foil Hat. This should be worn at all times in order to protect?your head from any stray brain altering rays or laser beams or stuff like that. Although the one I have pictured is very basic, these can be form-fit and as elaborate as you would like to get with them. I have seen some that could compete with the infamous Hats of the Kentucky Derby (which are every bit as glamorous and fawned over as the gowns worn on Oscar night).
You can make tin foil clothing also, but it is difficult to maneuver in and you have a lot of decorating to attend to in order to completely protect yourself, so I won’t go into that. It also crinkles a lot and the sound can be quite annoying. Something to bear in mind if you happen to live with your mother-in-law and like to just annoy her.
If you have a dog or cat, you want to make sure to protect them too.? Notice this little guy is sporting a chinstrap on his hat. That’s because he fusses and squirms and tries to rip the hat off his little head. He doesn’t know what is good for him, so please use the chinstrap to ensure his protection is at an optimal level at all times. Cats are a bit more difficult unless you have had them declawed, but it is important to protect them too. Go buy some gauze wrap, anti-biotic ointment, and medical tape to patch yourself up?with and protect your baby!
Now it’s time to protect the rest of your house. I’m not going to bother explaining all the details, but you can see from the photos below and get the idea just fine.
Start with the kid’s room – you need to protect their young minds from the undue influences of the cruel world.
Make sure you don’t forget the kitchen. You spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen and you don’t want anything bad getting to you while you are attending to your family’s food needs.
And the dining room, where your family often gathers for meals, homework, and general conversation.
If you’re like me, you spend a lot of time in your office, so you definitely want to have a high level of protection installed there. And the living room, so when you’re sitting there watching the news you’ll be safe (and please don’t watch Fox news – I think they have special rays that might be able to penetrate your tin foil protection).
Just do the whole house up to make sure that you stay safe, OK? You can never have too much protection with the level of crazy floating around the atmosphere.
And just so you don’t think I’m specifically picking on Texas, I live in Michigan and they just increased the security level at our in-state military facilities because there is a rumor that there might be ISIS terrorists here, too. I’m heading out to Costco now to invest in some foil for myself. Please do be careful while decorating, as aluminum foil can have sharp edges and cut you for real.
