There are a lot of misconceptions that surround domestic violence. There are many forms of domestic violence including domestic battery, emotional, verbal, etc. It can be confusing. I carried many of those misconceptions myself until I began working with victims and learning about this overwhelmingly prevalent form of violence. Since a national conversation has been reinvigorated around this issue in recent months, here are some common myths around this startling epidemic that may help you understand the issue better.
1. The most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence is after leaving a perpetrator.
Too often, “Why didn’t she just leave?” is the focus of conversation when a victim is reported as having died or suffered severe abuse at the hands of a perpetrator. The truth is that leaving is not always the safest option for a victim of domestic violence. The Domestic Violence Intervention Program reports, in fact, that
“Leaving a battering partner may be the most dangerous time in that relationship. Women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the two weeks after leaving than at any other time during the relationship.”
2.?Domestic violence is an epidemic that often goes ignored.
If you believe that domestic violence is not an epidemic, consider another statistic from The Domestic Violence Intervention Program:
“Every five years as many women are killed by their intimate partners as men and women killed in the Vietnam War ? 54,000.”
3. Both men and women are victims of domestic violence.
Although the focus of most conversations around domestic violence specify women as victims, domestic violence is perpetrated against both men and women. In fact, one of our own writers wrote HIS story about the abuse he suffered.?The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence lists the following statistics:
“1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.
1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.”
4. Physical violence does not have to be present for a person to be a victim of domestic violence.
There are many forms of domestic violence, some of which leave no bruises and can be very difficult to prove. According to Advocates to End Domestic Violence:
“Abuse can come in many forms, such as sexual, physical, verbal, and emotional. When a person in a relationship repeatedly scares, hurts, or puts down the other person, it is abuse. Harassment, intimidation, forced or coerced isolation from friends and family and having an independent social life, humiliation, threats of harm to you or your family or pets, threats of suicide if you leave, violating your privacy, limiting your independence and personal choices are all examples of abuse.”
5. Domestic violence, like sexual assault, is an issue of power and control.
Domestic violence is not an anger issue. It isn’t the result of drug or alcohol abuse. The Department of Justice defines domestic violence in the following way, which makes this statement a little easier to understand:
“We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.”
Domestic violence and sexual assault, in fact, often go hand-in-hand. Another statistic from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence makes this clear:
“Almost half of female (46.7%) and male (44.9%) victims of rape in the United States were raped by an acquaintance. Of these, 45.4% of female rape victims and 29% of male rape victims were raped by an intimate partner.”
?6. There are things that you can do to help.
The issue is epidemic. This form of violence is widespread and can seem overwhelming. The important thing is to do something, anything, but don’t ignore it or think you cannot help.
Call your local domestic violence shelter to see if they need volunteers (they do, I promise). See what kinds of events they have planned and make it a point to attend. Raise awareness in your community and on social media. Educate yourself and others around the statistics above and the massive amounts of information available from reputable sources that assist victims.
Do more. Know more. Say NO MORE. Together, we can end domestic violence.
