It is official. I have finally read the most stupid bullgunk on the Internet ever. Seriously. It takes the cake and wins the award for most stupid, at least for now.
A Florida (explains a lot – sorry Florida) teen, 18, was hospitalized this past Saturday after he tried to kiss a cottonmouth.
Kiss. A. Cottonmouth.
I’m sure we are all familiar with what it is, but a cottonmouth, or water moccasin, is a fairly poisonous and mean-tempered snake that shows its white mouth when threatened. They are poisonous enough to be lethal; however, with quick treatment death is rare. Cottonmouths usually cause an individual to go grab a shotgun, rifle, pistol, shovel, flamethrower (whatever floats your boat) to kill it, or it causes an individual to run away screaming. I go for the latter.
Austin Hatfield of Wimauma, Florida felt differently about this snake. After catching it in his girlfriend’s yard a few days beforehand, he reportedly kept it in a pillowcase ON HIS BED to keep as a pet I guess? I mean, why else would you keep a cottonmouth or any sort of venomous reptile that could kill you? Two days later, while hanging out with friends, Hatfield took the snake out of the pillowcase to show his friends his new pet.
Please, don’t ever try to impress me with a cottonmouth, OK?
Authorities were told that Hatfield tried to kiss the snake. Hatfield’s friend, Jason Belcher, told Bay News 9:
“He kisses it right on the head. Right on the mouth. He’s not afraid of death.”
No sh**.
Belcher also added:
“He took it out, put it on his chest and it was acting funny, and it jumped up and got him…”
“Alright he’s kissed it 12 times. The 13 wasn’t a lucky one. We was sitting in the kitchen and he ran out of the room saying hospital, hospital. Now, now.”
“It was pretty frightening. We’ve done a lot of stuff together. This is the one thing that scared me the most.”
No sh**?
After being rushed to a Tampa Bay hospital and receiving several anti-venom treatments, he is expected to recover although he was in critical condition to begin with.
Gina Bailey, mother of Hatfield’s girlfriend:
“[Doctors] said that they had to ventilate him so he could breathe because of the swelling. And that was the first thing [I thought] — is he going to make it? I was very worried. I know that these snakes are very, very poisonous.”
Better yet? The apparent fan of snakes will possibly face charges as he was possessing the poisonous snake illegally. Venomous reptiles require a permit to be kept, which Hatfield did not have. The snake was captured and killed for identification purposes.
A spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission shared some information about the snake:
“It really doesn’t want to eat you, but it will protect itself. Cottonmouths have a reputation of being somewhat skittish when you get near them and they will readily defend themselves.”
No… really? Tell me more.
I’d say the bite and the recovery are enough without charges, but you really can’t beat stupid when it comes to keeping a poisonous snake, such as the cottonmouth, for a pet. I do hope Hatfield makes the full recovery like he’s expected to, but I do also hope, however, that he has taken something away from this experience… such as DON’T KEEP SNAKES IN YOUR BEDROOM AND TRY TO KISS THEM.
