This is not a joke. Really, it’s isn’t, despite what you may have thought when you read the headline. Repeat, it is not a joke. Would that it were.
In Akron, Ohio, an unknown man has been defecating on cars for the past two years. So far he has dropped his dung on at least 19 different vehicles, but authorities may finally have a break in the case. Thanks to the persistence of a resident in a neighborhood where the Bowel Movement Bandit has struck on several occasions, the police now know what they suspect looks like.
One victim, Jacob Karam, said he has been targeted by the serial pooper multiple times:
“He did it on the hood every time.?And then the one time he took it and he smeared it all over the hood, the windshield, the mirrors, the window, the door handles, and the gas tank covering.”
Good luck getting them to clean that off at the local car wash without having to pay out the….Uh, without having to pay extra.
Rick Edwards of the Akron Police Department remarked that one thing which has puzzled police is looking for a commonality which might link the victims and better explain the reason for the Bandit’s actions:
“The chances that he’d have a problem with the same people in this geographic location would be very unusual. This is going to be someone with a mental health issue or someone that’s just sick.?
That’s got to be the understatement of the decade. What exactly would motivate a person to leave their feces on the hood of another person’s car? Just how unstable do you have to be in order to even contemplate such an act? Hey, we’ve all been angry with another person before, but did you ever think, “I know! I’ll take a dump on their car!” If you did, please keep that information to yourself.
One thing is beyond question: If this guy chooses you as his next victim, you’re gonna have a crappy day.
