Popcorn Values Skyrocket After Ted Cruz Challenges Jeb Bush To Debate

We’ve known since he created a new Super PAC last November that Sen. Ted Cruz has his eyes on the Oval Office. And just a month later, Jeb Bush dropped his hanky in the presidential clothes hamper with the same elusive allusion; he wants it, too, we learned through his unofficial ?maybe, maybe not? memo. And since Mitt Romney recently retreated, these two are now the biggest names on the Republican Wrestling Federation’s venue.

But Cruz is already climbing the ropes in prep for body-slamming the former Florida gov. The Texas senator made it quite clear that he wants the championship belt to himself by cutting into Bush on ABC’s ?This Week? on Feb. 8. Ted even referred to debating Jeb on which one was truest to Republican Party ideals.

?Look, Jeb Bush is a good man. He’s a good governor. I respect him. If he chooses to run — it certainly looks like he’s going to — he’s going to have to make the case to Republican primary voters, concerning his record, concerning certainly his support for Common Core, concerning his policies on immigration, and I think we’ll have a debate on that.?

And wouldn’t that be quite the slug-fest match-up? Who wouldn’t want to watch it? I mean, stock up on the Orville Redenbacher before the shelves go empty. Having those two in the ring could even be the savior of pay-per-view television, and just based on each one’s record of amazing (and stupid) and brilliant (and ignorant) comments they regularly issue to the public.

Like Joltin? Jeb on immigration, for example:

?Immigrants are more fertile.?

And who could forget this recent comment on his family’s reputation:

?I don’t think there’s any Bush baggage at all.?

Now match that up against Tiger Teddy’s classic from 2013, when he praised an elderly racist icon of the GOP:

?The willingness (of Jesse Helms) to say all those crazy things is a rare, rare characteristic. [?] We need a hundred more like Jesse Helms in the U.S. Senate.?

Or how about Cruz’s famous ?round-house on global warming?

“You know, back in the ’70s ? I remember the ’70s, we were told there was global cooling. And everyone was told global cooling was a really big problem.??

And these silver-tongued shrewds on the same stage at the same time in some ?I’m more Republican than you are? debate seems bigger and more entertaining than wrestling legends Andre the Giant and ?Macho Man? Randy Savage in the ring for the ultimate championship. Just the entertaining promise of such a scenario could make it set a new Nielsen ratings record.

After Cruz made the comment on ?This Week,? Stephanopoulos seemed like he was thinking of stocking up on the kernels, too, telling Cruz:

?Sounds like a vigorous debate is coming!?

To which the Texas senator closed with the mantra of both the WWF and GOP:

?Thank you, George. God bless you.?

Get ready for the debate, folks. Stock up now on popcorn and other snacks you’ll want on-hand.