Michelle Obama Showed Great Respect When She Went Without A Headscarf

Let us start by clearing up a few misconceptions about Michelle Obama and the fact that she did not wear a headscarf in Saudi Arabia on Jan. 27.

(Image snipped from CNN video)
(Image snipped from CNN video)

First of all, she was not at a funeral. She was in the palace of a dynasty of dictators to meet the latest in line to the throne.

Second, her bare head did not prompt any official complaints from Saudi Arabian officials. There were just a bunch of tweets from the disgruntled masses (CNN reports that there were more than 1,500). The prevailing sentiment among her critics was that Mrs. Obama was ?disrespectful.?

For starters, I think that we can all agree that, as always, Mrs. Obama is damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t. Had she worn a headscarf we would all be fending off cries from the Rabid Right that this is proof that she is the submissive wife of a Muslim dictator.

But here is what I think that we are missing in all of this discussion about respect: There is a difference between bowing to coercion and showing genuine respect. And the twain should never be confused.

Michelle Obama has, in fact, shown her respect for Muslim customs in the past. When she was visiting a mosque with her husband in Indonesia, she donned a headscarf even though she was not required to do so. She did it out of respect for a religion, even though it is not her own.

But when Mrs. Obama visited with her husband in Saudi Arabia, she opted to forgo a headscarf. That is because she understands the principle difference between visiting a religious site and engaging in a ritual of a public life. And she seems to also understand the difference between compliance and respect.

It is obvious to all who care about such things that the laws of Saudi Arabia are blatantly anti-woman. Given that Michelle Obama is a feminist and that her husband had just delivered a powerful and moving speech on women’s rights, covering her head would not have been an act of respect. She would have been giving in to coercion.

Michelle Obama, as the wife of a foreign dignitary, had no obligation to follow the regressive laws of Saudi Arabia. She showed respect by covering herself from her collarbones to her toes. Asking that she cover her head in addition is nothing more than demanding that she bow her head to the gynophobia that dominates many societies.

It is time that we stop hiding behind the word “respect” when what we really mean is “compliance.” Mrs.?Obama was not compliant. In fact, she stood with the many women in oppressive cultures when she dared to do something that upset the men-folk.

?Be respectful.? Those are the words that every woman in a repressive culture hears thousands of times throughout her life. What they actually mean is: ?We don’t respect you enough to accord you full rights as a human being. But you are a horrible person if you do not comply with our unreasonable demands.?

And that brings me to my final point: Michelle Obama was being respectful when she opted not to wear a headscarf. She was respectful of women who are starting to defy the demands made of them by supposedly benevolent dictators and patriarchs. She was respectful of every person who does not wish to be ruled by some else’s religious ideas. It was, perhaps, one of the most respectful things that any woman has done in a while.