Why do people love Benedict Cumberbatch? Is it his looks? Well, the average human who bears a striking resemblance to an otter is generally considered unattractive. But not Benedict Cumberbatch. (No hate mail please. I love him, too, but facts are facts.)
Is it the characters that he plays? I would bet that isn’t it either, because many of them are utterly execrable. And yet for many of us, it is somehow impossible to keep ourselves from falling under his spell.
Is it his accent? Possibly, but that wouldn’t explain why British people, who can talk dirty to each other in the same accent, love him.
We love him because he is awesome and yet humble. Or, to put it in a better way, he is awesome precisely because he is humble. And there is no better demonstration of both humility and awesomeness than a good apology.
So while Cumberbatch’s unconventional sexiness, his accent, and his acting career might elude you, learning how to offer a good apology will make you awesome like Benedict Cumberbatch.
Last week our man Cumberbatch used the offensive term ?colored? when referring to black people. In response to the backlash, he did not double-down or try to explain why he was right or how the offense was not his fault. He issued the following apology:
“I’m devastated to have caused offence by using this outmoded terminology. I offer my sincere apologies.?
“I make no excuse for my being an idiot and know the damage is done. I can only hope this incident will highlight the need for correct usage of terminology that is accurate and inoffensive.?
“The most shaming aspect of this for me is that I was talking about racial inequality in the performing arts in the UK and the need for rapid improvements in our industry when I used the term.
?I feel the complete fool I am and while I am sorry to have offended people and to learn from my mistakes in such a public manner please be assured I have.?
?I apologize again to anyone who I offended for this thoughtless use of inappropriate language about an issue which affects friends of mine and which I care about deeply.?
I know what you are thinking: ?I apologize all of the time, and no one seems to love me for it. What makes his apology work where so many others fail??
I am so glad that you asked. Here is a guide to apologizing like Benedict Cumberbatch:
- Make it clear that you are not just trying to get out of trouble. Cumberbatch does this by saying ?[I] know the damage is done.? In other words, ?Some people will hate me forever for this. And I am not trying to change their minds because that is a reasonable response to making a racially offensive comment.?
- Affirm that it is reasonable for people to be offended.
- If you made the error out of ignorance, concede that you were remiss in not knowing this information. When it comes to racial offenses, some of my most liberal friends will hit a sticking point here. But the truth is that we all have the obligation AND THE RESOURCES to educate ourselves. A quick Google or Wikipedia search will generally tell you if a term that you are about to use is ?outmoded? or offensive.
- Acknowledge how your offense likely made other people feel, and assure those people that you care about how they feel.
- Talk about how hurting other people makes you feel. Some people will accuse you of making it all about you.?But an apology that does not express sincere regret using the language of emotions is, at best, hollow.?By using words like ?devastated? and by expressing that he felt a ?complete fool? Cumberbatch tells us that he cares that he offended people.
- Say how you will improve in the future, and if it seems relevant how you will combat the systemic underlying problem.
- Do not, under any circumstances, obligate the recipient of your apology to forgive you.
The world would be a more peaceful place if all of us can learn to apologize like Benedict Cumberbatch. If nothing else, it will almost certainly become a more pleasant place.
