Wives of America, you’ve been doing it all wrong! At least according to an article in Good Housekeeping circa 1955. Do you talk about yourself? Do you expect him to help with the kids and the house? If you said yes, then shame on you! Didn’t you know that the evening needs to be his? If you’d like to be a good wife, then you need to follow this set of 13 rules.
1. Have dinner ready when he gets home.
You should be planning ahead for this, ladies, maybe even starting the night before (after cleaning up that night’s dinner, of course). This needs to be a homemade, from scratch, delicious meal that shows you’ve been thinking about him all day and that you are concerned with his needs.
2. Look pretty.
Prepare yourself. You need to take some time to get yourself looking refreshed and respectable, wives of the world. Your husband does not need to come home to see you all disheveled and sweaty from that day’s chores. No, no. You need to, “…touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking!”
3. Get gay.
The article in Good Housekeeping made sure to make this point very clear, ladies- you must be a little gay for him. And more interesting. His day might have been boring, you see, and it is one of your duties to entertain him.
4. Clean up.
The article lists this one as two separate rules, but it seems more like one rule to me. Clean up the house, guys. You need to get rid of that clutter, clean up any toys or schoolbooks the kids have out, and do a once-over with a dusting cloth. Because, you know, when he gets home he will be putting on that pair of white gloves and making sure you did your job.
5. Get lit.
This one is specific to the “cooler months.” When it’s cold outside, get a fire started before your husband gets home from work. Your man needs to unwind by this fire, and he will feel like he is in a “haven of rest.” Plus, after all, “…catering to his every comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.”
6. Clean up (again), then shut up.
Between making dinner, cleaning the entire house, getting gay, and lighting a fire, you also must find time to prepare the children. They must appear clean and smell nice. They must also be quiet. And you should be quiet. Also, the house. The point here being that everything and everyone needs to be clean and quiet.
7. Be Happy.
Here is another one that Good Housekeeping for some reason broke up into two rules. Maybe back then people assumed women could only handle one thing at a time? Sort of ironic considering all the crap we are supposed to do. Anyways, you should be happy to see him. You need to smile and “…show sincerity in your desire to please him.” He’ll know if you’re faking in, ladies!
8. Listen to him.
No, really listen. You may have things to say to him, too, but your job is to be quiet and listen to him. “Let him talk first- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.”
9. Quit your bitchin’.
Make the evening his, and don’t complain. Even if he does things like staying out late, going to dinner without you, or other fun things (like, you know, having an affair). You mustn’t complain. “Try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.”
10. Seriously. Quit it.
They felt the need to reiterate the last point. “Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night.” These are minor issues, gals, compared to all that pressure he’s been under all day.
11. Talk pretty to him.
Make him comfortable. Have him lay down and bring him a drink. Arrange some pillows for him, help him take off his shoes, and only speak “…in a low, soothing, and pleasant voice.” Not your normal voice, because, god, that’s annoying.
12. Don’t ask him about his work.
Never ask him about anything, actually. Just don’t. Also, don’t question his judgement. “Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.” That’s right. You have no right to question anything he does. Because, and this brings us to the final rule…
13. Know your place.
Always. Know. Your. Place. And that place, apparently, is as a doormat to be walked all over.
So that’s it, ladies. If you follow this set of rules, you will be able to say with confidence that you are a “good wife.” You might also go insane and end up throwing your husband in that fire you lit for him. But hey, at least you’ll know your place.
