From AskReddit, the shortest, funniest jokes you know.
1.?zrajpari
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died last week? He pasta way.
2. VildereKlovn
Somebody stole my mood ring and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.
– Tracy Jordan
3. ChrisLikesSoda
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere?
4. azembala
I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.
5.?Sir0bin
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
6. habitualbastard
Why’d the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong pair of socks.
7. FidelCastrator
How many Freudian psychologists does it take to screw in a penis ? I mean light-bulb!
8. neallf
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler?
9. buskey
Nurse: ?Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room.?
Doctor: ?Tell him I can’t see him.?
10. McDoogleSnatch
The stationary store moved.
11. bathswithdad
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow?
I hear it’s making headlines.
12.?kballs
How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightblulb?
LET?S GO RIDE BIKES!!!
13. I_F**_GRANDMA
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
14. 22sjpog
Why was the letter C afraid of the other letters?
They were Not-Cs.
15.?ybcuz
Two cows are grazing in the field
One turns to the other and asks, ?So what do you think about this mad cow disease??
And the other responds, ?What do I care, I’m a helicopter!?
16. UnseenGlasses
Comic Sans walks into a bar. Bartender says, ?We don’t serve your type here.?
17. william_f_murray
Did you hear about the psychic midget that robbed a bank? Now there’s a small medium at large.
18. JLipari
Why are NYers so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is just New Jersey.
19. ForSakeOfArgument
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
I hate myself.
20. I_F**_GRANDMA
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
21. 3SP
There are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says ?do you know how to drive this thing??
22.?BizCaus
Dyslexics are teople poo.
23. lolalodge
What did the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
24. rev0lut10n
I’ve just written a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a rap.
25. g1344304
What’s E.T. short for?
He’s got little legs.
26.?idsc93
What kind of bees make milk? Boobies
27. psufan5
What do you call a black guy flying a plane?
?I don’t know, what??
A pilot you racist.
28. FeralMuse
Also, did you hear about the dyslexic satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
29. Trumpstah
Job interview:
?What’s your greatest weakness??
?Honesty.?
?I don’t think honesty is a weakness.?
?I don’t give a fuck what you think.?
30. nataliejeanie
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
31. MarlboroMundo
Doc told me that my IQ test results came back negative.
32. betteporter
?Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play??
33. Dawn_of_the_bread
Someone threw cheese at me. Real mature!
34. idleWizard
Do you know what is the difference between shower curtain and the toilet paper? No? So you’re the one!
35.?BigRme
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
36. freedom4me
A guy wearing only saran wrap underwear walks into a psychiatrists office. The doctor takes one look at him and says, ?Well, I can clearly see your nuts.?
37. Zictor04
?What do you call a mix between an elephant and a rhino??
?What??
??Ell if i know.?
38.?sittingaround
A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
39. doolie_noted
A termite walks into a bar and says, ?Hey, is the bar tender here??
40. Clamps187
There are two muffins in an oven. First muffin says to the second muffin, ?Man, it’s hot in here?. The second muffin replies ?HOLY SHIT! A TALKING MUFFIN?!
41. SHOCKINGUSERNAME
Two bars walk into a man, LSD is powerful stuff.
42.?sittingaround
A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
43.?pitchinnate
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, not yelling and screaming like everyone else in his car.
44. thornae
The French have just one egg for breakfast, because that’s un oeuf.
45. foxsable
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two but it’s kind of cramped.
46. lawyerman13
What is the cheapest kind of meat? Deer Balls. You get them under a buck.
47.?sittingaround
Two atoms are walking down the street, one says to the other ?I think I just lost an electron.?
?Are you sure??
?I’m positive.?
48. CharlieMay
Guy: If you woke up in the woods and found you have been anally raped all night long, would you tell somebody?
Girl: Oh my god, No!
Guy: Wanna go camping?
Love these jokes? Be sure to share!
