Many people find it surprising to learn that Southern atheists aren’t completely extinct and in fact are probably growing in number in towns like mine. The Southern atheist, however, doesn’t publicize his or her beliefs for fear of the social, familial, and economic repercussions that often result from being “out.” I’m what you might call an Atheist Activist though. There aren’t many people in my small Georgia town that don’t know me and that don’t know that I’m an apostate – and proud of it. Surprisingly enough, this reputation hasn’t caused a mob to meet with pitchforks and torches in hand to skin me alive. There will always be those that will tell me I’m going to burn in hell fire for eternity and avoid me. However, here are five simple tips that might get you a mature debate with a religious neighbor?rather than a shouting match.
Tip 1: Southern atheists should be proud, not arrogant
Many of us, especially in the Deep South, were raised in religious homes. We either went to church most of our lives voluntarily or had parents that ensured us that the alternative was far worse than a couple hours in a pew. Most of us, myself included, had “salvation experiences.” At some point in our young lives we truly believed in everything that we were taught. However as we grew older and found ourselves doubting these beliefs, we struggled for quite some time with the implication of those doubts.
As a result of leaving the religion of our parents and looking at the world in a different way, it’s normal to feel like we have something to be proud of. It’s also very easy for that pride to turn into arrogance and nothing will cause you to become alienated more quickly than being arrogant – regardless of your beliefs.
Tip 2: Don’t be angered by evangelism
It may be hard for anyone that has never actually been religious to understand, but most people who try to evangelize you actually have good intentions.
I could never be angry at someone who believed that a train was coming towards me and tried to push me off the tracks, even if I don’t see the train. Most evangelizers truly believe that they have a mission and a calling to save you from hell and to help you find your way to their version of God. It’s almost easier to be angry at a person who doesn’t try to evangelize because they see a train and don’t do anything to save you from it.? Compassion, however misguided, is still compassion. In today’s world I’ll take that over flippancy.
Evangelism provides a lot of good opportunities to get to know people in your community, to get to sit down and talk about how you came to your conclusions. It’s a great time to teach people how they should approach you and what you consider to be respectful and polite. These are opportunities too often met with slammed doors when in fact they should be welcomed.
Tip 3: Have an open door policy
I was the first atheist most people in my town had ever met. Prior to meeting me, their only experience with atheism and atheists was what they had heard on Fox News about some nonexistent “War on Christmas”. People were generally clueless about what I believed and how I might have come to my conclusions about religion. However, I found that most people had a genuine curiosity about what exactly atheism meant. I find that it’s important to use those opportunities to allow people who are curious the opportunity to learn from the authority on the subject: you.
So, make it a policy not to turn people away that simply want to talk and ask questions. If you need to lay some ground rules for any discussions you may have, I think that may be a good idea. However, any work you can do to demystify something as simple as the lack of belief in a god or gods is certainly going to be a good thing, and being accessible to those who want to understand is the way to do it.
Tip 4: Find friends who agree and friends who disagree
Finding a group of friends who share in your unbelief can be a great way to become more comfortable in your surroundings, but I don’t know of many things more damning to the human psyche, or at least a contributing factor in narcissism, than a posse of friends who pat you on the back and praise every word that comes out of your mouth. While it’s a great thing to find friends who share your ideals and values, they shouldn’t be the the sole group you hang out with. I personally have as many close friends who are clergy as I do who are atheist, and I believe this diversity allows me to sharpen both my intellect and my social graces. While my pastor friends may believe things that I find utterly frustrating, those friendships have taught me patience and how to love people beyond their perceived shortfalls. My atheist friends have taught me strength and comfort found in sharing an identity and goals with people. All of these people are important to me. They all make me a better person in different ways, and hopefully I’m able to do the same for them.
Tip 5: Establish Rules of Engagement
Debate is a common occurrence for Southern atheists. Sometimes people say things that you just can’t let slide, and so you feel you have to interject. Sometimes people challenge you directly, and you feel an obligation to engage. It’s always important to be able to quickly identify when the person you are engaging with has no intention of listening or learning anything from your interactions together because people like this not only don’t have anything to teach you, they are more likely to try to paint a picture of you that simply isn’t true. These are times when you should simply shut up, walk away, and find someone else to talk to if you want.
I think it’s important, whether someone is in my home or I’ve met up with someone to discuss beliefs, to establish boundaries before we begin the discussion. I like to find out the subjects that might completely derail the conversation for this person or cause them to become extremely angry so that we can avoid them altogether. I also like to inform them that I’m not willing to be threatened with hell over and over and that I don’t find the Bible to be sufficient evidence for the Bible’s claims so that they can get an idea of where I’m coming from and what I expect. I absolutely refuse to listen to a person talk about the Bible who hasn’t at least read the Bible once.?Establishing these rules puts a loose boundary on a discussion that I find is very important with people I don’t know. As I get to know someone, we might breach topics that were previously considered taboo.
Bonus Tip: Learn to Apologize
This one is free, and it’s probably the most important.
Being a Southern atheist means that you’ve rejected something that many people hold very dear. It means that you may be, at times, inclined to say things that other people find offensive.? You may, and I certainly have, legitimately hurt someone’s feelings who you have truly respected at some point without having any intention to do so. Sometimes, it’s more important to be kind than to be right.
When you do, just say this: “I’m really sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”
Please notice the period there. That is where you stop. No good apology ever included the word “but”.
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Matt is a former extremely devoted fundamentalist Christian turned Atheist. He is also?a gadget nerd, a computer guy, a computer builder, and Tech Support guy. He owns a small business in Eastman, GA where he provides computer service, repair, and custom built machines to all sorts of clientele. Matt prides himself in seeing beyond simple black and white. He wants to know how and why things are the way they are and dreams and hopes for better things to come.
