I try unusually hard to get along with everybody. Regardless of what you believe, I will do my best to not judge you, to not hold it against you, and debate like a mature adult with you. However, today I found out my best friend is a conspiracy nut that believes in at least one illusion the extremist right wingers, survivalists, and all in all basketcases are trying to sell. The sad fact is I’d never have expected this. She’s intelligent. She’s creative. She’s not religious. She identifies with no party at all. She supports marriage equality. She supported Obama. However according to her, the government is orchestrating the Ebola outbreak and has been planning ahead of time for it.
That’s right. Obama did it. Bush did it. The entire damn government is in on the big secret.
In the middle of a conversation about movies, she linked me to this?article,?”The Ebola Outbreak Has Been Planned Years Ago! What Do You Think All Those “Coffin Liners” Are For?”
Looking at it, I thought it was a joke, and she wasn’t serious. I then got this message.
My response?
“…… dude…. stay off that bull—-.”
Sorry, but what else can it be called?
After trying to convince me those were really coffins, I sent her two links debunking and poking holes in?this wildly misinformed theory.
- Snopes?- “Obama Quietly Orders One Billion Dollars Worth Of Disposable Coffins.”
- Metabunk?- “FEMA Coffins (plastic grave liners).”
Her response?
I came to the conclusion in that moment my friend had lost her mind. I tried to consider the possibilities of what happened. Mental illness, lack of sleep with an infant in the house, too much television? I don’t know. I still don’t know. I will probably never know. ?However, I tried to reason with her. I repeated the information.
“A burial vault is something that a coffin goes in and is not used for interring people by itself. It’s used in several states in the US where ground subsidence is an issue in graveyards.”
I tried reminding her we live in the Okefenokee Swamp area. This would make sense. Places like Louisiana would make even more sense. Her response was?that this was a lie because it was a bad business model.
I tried to give her further rational explanations. I asked her if she realized she sounded like good ‘ole Rush Limbaugh, and Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann. Her retort was a rant about political gain, dividing the people, and conquering. I’m still not sure what she really said or what it was suppose to mean. All I could do was respond with this:
You would think the crazy eyes would convince her right? I mean, look at them. THEY ARE CRAZY EYES. Who wants to be thrown into the crazy eyes category? No one in their right mind would. However, this prompted a rant about Mexico that then lead to comments about ISIS. Somewhere in this rant (that I won’t torture you with), she stated the most amazing, epic thing I’ve ever heard anyone say when trying to make an intelligent argument.
“i am not a republican or democrat and i really only half pay attention unless it REALLY disturbs me.”
This is when my brain exploded into tiny giblets of brain matter. I was done. I had nothing else in my?magic bag of logic and rationale. All I had left to say was this:
So there you have it folks. Since this conversation took place, she has linked me to the article “Texas Town Quarantined After Family Of Five Test Positive For The Ebola Virus” on the National Report website. I promptly explained to her this was satire. I then defined satire for her as “the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.” She has since deleted that Facebook post.
I love my friends, but I got my hands full y’all.
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Liz Lee considers herself an uppity Southern woman?and the only sane person left in the swamps of South Georgia. She has all her teeth and knows how to spell fairly well. She graduated high school and has some college learnin?. She is a wife to a man that ain?t her cousin, mother of one human child, mother to one furry American Bully, and also your typical everyday Wonder Woman. When she hangs up her cape, you can find her curled up in her office sewing while gossiping, writing, playing World of Warcraft, or practicing banjo in hopes of being the greatest at pickin? and a grinnin?. You can follow her on?Facebook?to see what she is up to. She also has a?Twitter?she can’t figure out how to use and is working on a website at this time.
