I was a student of linguistics long before I became a politics junkie. The evolution of language fascinates me. It seems like languages are evolving more rapidly today than at any time in history, and a lot of it has to do with technology and social media.
The sentences in this article would have made no sense whatsoever 20 years ago. I’ve also included a few that actually would have made sense 20 years ago, but that were unfathomable.
1. I have angry birds on my phone.
2. I store my contacts in the cloud.
3. Aw man, I accidentally liked her photo.
4. I’m not spending a $100 on a terabyte drive, that’s a ripoff.
5. All those people from high school you never thought you would see again? Well you still won’t talk to them but you will see pictures of their kids every day.
6. My internet is down so I cant watch TV.
7. Here in Colorado: “So I was at the weed store earlier…”
8. Arnold Schwarzenegger will be governor of California.
9. I can’t wait for Disney to finish making the next Avengers and Star Wars movies!
10. I remember Colbert said something like, “Obama at Chipotle? 15 years ago I didn’t know those were words.”
11. I have 2000 followers!
12. Flying is a real pain in the ass after 9/11.
13. I am going to watch porn on my phone, in the shower.
14. Hang on, I’m gonna Google it.
15. Can I google myself in your office, TacoWolf?
16. I’m just going to re-charge my cigarette.
17. Be quick though, my book is almost out of batteries and I’m going to need that USB port.
18. Whenever I wanna get laid, I just jump on my iPhone and right swipe some people on Tinder until I find a match.
19. Yelp says to try the gluten-free bison burger with kale and quinoa.
20. I uploaded all my family pics to a cloud so I won’t have to worry about data loss.
21. That gas station is cheaper at $3.79!
22. Hold on, I’ll just take a picture with my phone real quick!
23. Do you want directions? I have the GPS in my phone.
24. I’m reading a book on my phone.
25. So do you think the Seattle Seahawks have a good shot at winning the Super Bowl again?
26. I just built a mining rack for dogecoin cause bitcoin is not worth farming anymore.
27. Did you hear about that guy that bought his Tesla with Bitcoin? It was all over reddit a couple of days ago.
28. I’m sick of all these ratchet selfies in my feed.
29. Android releases KitKat on all phones.
30. Pluto isn’t a planet.
31. She added me as a friend last night.
32. I got poked on Facebook yesterday.
33. The Queen of England photobombed a selfie.
34. Quad venti white mocha, non fat, no whip.
35. I have in my pocket a device that contains all of the worlds information at a seconds notice.
36. I’m working on my laptop.
37. The president tweeted this morning.
38. In 20 years, Weird Al Yankovic will still be relevant and Michael Jackson will be a weird alcoholic recluse who died of a drug overdose.
39. The operator on my phone is named Siri, she’s always available since she’s my robot, and she will tell me just about any piece of information in the world when I ask for it. I don’t use her though, she’s too slow.
40. A total stranger gave me gold today.
41. I can’t decide what I should get for lunch because even though I love Chik-Fil-A, I think Gays should have the right to get married.
42. Let me introduce you to my brother’s husband.
43. I support Occupy Wall Street.
44. Yeah I’ll come to the party but don’t tag me please – my dad is following me.
45. Netflix is streaming The Sopranos, and I want to to binge, but everytime I see James Gandolfini I remember he’s dead, get totally bummed, put in Grand Theft Auto, and just run over everybody.
46. After the Fappening, if I store something on Apple’s Cloud, or anybody’s cloud for that matter, I’m just going to assume it’s public information, from 4chan to the Homeland Security Agency.
47. This new app I found makes my selfies look hella rad.
48. I may have used all of my data streaming that new Netflix Original show that just came out.
49. Mom, I’ve gone over my data.
50. I would never share a plan with my kids. They’d use all the data the first day.
51. Today i went down the the Dispensary and bought one pound of marijuana legally, using Bitcoins.
52. Check out my new vape mod I bought with Doge!
53. Androids are way better than apple. PC Master Race, all the way.
54. “Yes we can” said to the background of the crowd going wild.
55. What’s your favorite Black Eye Peas song?
56. My bae be tripping when she found out she only got second in the twerking contest.
57. Teach me how to dougie.
58. I just got Rick Rolled on that post about The Fappening.
59. I’m torrenting the Fappening megafile as we speak.
60. Stop creeping my profile!
61. Dude, I just accepted your friend request and you’re doing a straight like on my page.
62. My stalker keeps liking all my check-ins on Facebook…
63. Just downloaded the official soundrack of DEFCON 22 from bandcamp, and supported the EFF by donating some Doge!
64. My friend keeps asking me to reblog her selfies because she doesn’t have enough notes.
65. I need more followers!
66. Tablets seem to be rapidly replacing notebooks.
67. I hope the new Star Wars movies won’t be as bad as the last ones.
68. The Fonz is doing reverse mortgage commercials.
69. I need to find a hot-spot so I can log into my textbook.
70. What’s your wi-fi password?
71. I’m a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
72. I couldn’t get on the plane because I’m on the no fly list.
73. Jimmy got arrested for torrenting files illegally.
74. That hashtag is trending.
75. Are you subtweeting to me?
76. Are you throwing shade at me?
77. The big bang theory won an emmy.
78. My phone died so my alarm didn’t go off.
79. I can’t watch Aladdin or Mork & Mindy right now; it’s just too depressing.
80. Can’t believe she posted a Vine of her Twerking.
81. I’m Instagramming my gluten-free froyo.
82. I’m a trans queer polymorphed plantkin, respect my pronouns, cis scum.
83. Did you hear about the guy who kickstarted a potato salad?
84. Plenty of Fish says we’re a match.
85. I red-boxed the 40 year old virgin on blue-ray.
86. I retweeted the black president’s video of him pouring a bucket of ice water on his head.
87. My daughter has Bieber fever.
88. I’m a Belieber!
89. I’ve been stuck on this Candy Crush level for days!
90. There’s an app for that.
90. Take that NSA.
91. I really think is cool is all those 3D printed organs they are developing right now.
92. I’m tired so I’m gonna grab a Monster on my way over
93. When I trade in my car, I’m getting a hybrid.
I found most of these on two different Reddit threads: this one and this one. I added a few of my own. Share yours in the comments!
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Tiffany Willis is the founder and editor-in-chief of Liberal America. An unapologetic member of the Christian Left, she has spent most of her career actively working with ?the least of these? and disadvantaged and oppressed populations. She’s passionate about their struggles. To stay on top of topics she discusses,?like her?Facebook page,?follow her on Twitter, or?connect with her via LinkedIn. She also has?a?grossly neglected personal blog?and a?literary quotes blog that is a labor of love. Find her somewhere and join the discussion.
