I recently had a brief?conversation about domestic violence and the use of a “trigger warning” on my articles that cover this. Some survivors don’t need a trigger warning and some do. I always put trigger warnings on my writing?because my readers have asked me to.
It’s about respect.
For myself? No, I don’t need one. I’m of the mindset to “lean into the pain” as part of the process of working through it, and?most importantly, to to find a way to fuel the pain into something positive and productive, ideally by raising awareness.
I want to see. I want to hear. I want to understand. I think?sharing without fear is the key to healing. Angela Brower of Tennessee is a woman after my own heart.
Brower alleges that on May 18, 2014, her?ex-boyfriend — Walter Frank Bradley — came to her home to retrieve his belongings after the couple ended their relationship. After a six-month relationship that involved verbal and physical abuse, Brower had enough. Allowing him to pick up his belongings was a decision that she would come to regret.
Bradley?attacked her, punching her in the face so hard that she was knocked out before beating her in the back of the head. When she regained consciousness,?her pleading prompted him to stop and she was able to escape. Brower, 37,?told Huffington Post:
“The orbital bone around my eye was completely shattered and my nose was broken on both sides and very displaced.”
Doctors have placed a metal ring around her eye to keep it from collapsing.
She spent time in the hospital and when she was released, she hit the ground like a woman with a mission. She shared photos of her bruised and battered face on Facebook, with the chilling question:
“Does this look like LOVE TO ANYONE OF YOU?”
Brower?followed up her original post with more impassioned pleas to women who may be in abusive situations.
“I just want everyone to be aware that I’m NOT posting pics to hurt anyone, nor make them relive any abuse they’ve been through!”
“I am posting them to make people (especially women) aware of domestic abuse, to let them know this is NOT OK & it’s also NOT THEIR FAULT!”
“The abuse only gets worse EVERY TIME it reoccurs! Ladies, you may not always be able to walk away the next time!”
“I want EVERYONE of you to know if you need someone to talk to about anything I would love to talk with you!”
“I Love all of you & just want to be the example for abused/battered women!”
Brower is committed to using her experience for good — she wants women to see the reality of domestic violence.
“I want to raise awareness for women who are afraid and ashamed of what has been done to them,” she said. “They blame themselves. I want them to know that it is not their fault.”
Brower emphasizes that the trend of society coming down on women who tolerate abuse needs to stop.
“I made a mistake and I took him back, and everything was OK for a little while,” she said. “If you have never been there, you can’t understand why people go back. Women follow their heart, they love them, they want to believe them when they say they will change, they lose their friends and family and don’t feel like they have anyone.”
I myself experienced this — as I knew I would — when I shared my own story. Many?people asked me “why didn’t you leave? Why didn’t you just block him? You’re too smart for that.”
The dynamic in these scenarios is so dangerous. Doing either of those things will escalate the situation in a terrifying way. ?It’s time to stop asking women these questions. ?Period! End of discussion! The focus needs to be on the CRIME, not on?questioning the victim.
Walter Bradley has been charged with aggravated assault and is being held on a $20,000 bond in the Tipton County Jail.?A GoFundMe account has been set up to help Brower with her medical bills. Consider giving her your support if you can.
GoFundMe found her images to be “too graphic,” so she ripped up her photos and took a photo of them. She used that photo to set up her account. GoFundMe (and everyone else) needs to get a clue. Domestic violence?is real, it’s raw, and yes, it’s ugly. But this victim is not ugly. We share her photos gladly.
Here is a video from WREG:
Tiffany Willis is the founder and editor-in-chief of Liberal America. An unapologetic member of the Christian Left, she has spent most of her career actively working with ?the least of these? and disadvantaged and oppressed populations. She’s passionate about their struggles. To stay on top of topics she discusses,?like her?Facebook page,?follow her on Twitter, or?connect with her via LinkedIn. She also has?a?grossly neglected personal blog?and a?literary quotes blog that is a labor of love. Find her somewhere and join the discussion.
h/t iacknowledge?| Screengrabs via Daily Mail
