Do we really mean what we say?
In journalism, we practice deciphering what people really mean when they utter such benign statements as, ?An investigation is underway?? or ?That is all the information we have available at the moment?? or ?We are not prepared to issue a statement at this time.? There is usually much more beneath the surface.
As a way to pass the time while serving overseas in the Navy, we decorated an entire wall in our office and devoted it to the things people tell journalists and what they really meant by it. My favorite one was ?We will not rest until the culprit is found and punished,? which usually meant something like, ?We are not accepting any culpability in this mess and we will find some scapegoat to string up the yardarm to appease the vultures in the press.?
In keeping with that thought ? I found a list of 21 things that are commonly said in emails and applied a bit of my own sarcastic wit.
What your co-workers might mean is different than what they type.
The response to your email requesting help from a co-worker usually sounds something like this, ?Thank you so much for thinking about me when you were gathering your team for the latest, greatest project. I am currently swamped and won’t be able to provide any worthwhile assistance, but I wish you the best.? What the sender is really saying is more like, ?Ha! So you’re the sucker that the boss dumped that no-load contract on! Don’t bother calling me to help ? I’m too busy laughing.?
A co-worker sends you an email that says ?I’d like to schedule some time with you to pick your brain about that new project.? What they really mean is ?Help me PLEASE, I haven’t got a clue and the boss is expecting results yesterday!?
You get the idea? now for a short list of some?examples of email double-speak.
1. ?Looking forward to your thoughts on this?? ? Answer me NOW!
2. ?Just wanted to follow up?? ? You haven’t bothered to respond to me, do you need me to sit at your desk and type it for you and click send?
3. ?Let’s circle back on this.? ? What an incredibly stupid idea! If you weren’t the boss? nephew?
4. ?Let’s move forward with the current plan?? ? We won’t ever agree with one another, so we’re just doing it MY way!
5. ?Can’t help you at the moment, but I’ll let you know if anything comes up?? ? Really? You think I would even consider helping you? Thanks ? best laugh I’ve had all week!
6. ?I happened to notice your great work on?? ? Unfortunately, the boss said I can’t do this project without your input, so sucking up to you is an absolute must. BTW ? I really hate working with you.
Even the signature line in an email can have hidden meanings.
7. ?Thanks so much!!? ? I’m too polite to totally blow you off and not respond.
8. ?Please advise? ? I am so totally confused I have no clue what you’re talking about.
9. ?Best? or ?Best regards? ? You and I will never be more than acquaintances so quit trying.
10. ?That’s fair? ? I really hate this so-called solution, but you aren’t worth arguing with over it.
11. ?Thanks so much for your understanding? ? You better not react negatively to this.
As you type out your next email message, be mindful of what you say ? and what you aren’t saying.
12. ?Have a nice day!!? ? I am?really too busy to?worry about?how your day goes, but I needed an ending.
Marty Townsend is an activist at heart. A lifelong writer, she concentrates her journalistic efforts on human interest, liberal politics, Michigan, educational and environmental issues. She is an active volunteer with the PTA, currently serving as President of her local District PTA Council. She also stays busy volunteering as a youth softball coach for the summer league in her community and participates in Relay for Life. Marty frequently sports a near-shaved head?as a way to?support of all women experiencing hair loss for any reason. Find her on Twitter and Facebook.
