You Might Be A Tea Bagger If…

The Tea Party has become quite popular, and expressing their beliefs is something they are definitely not shy about. Through their statements, actions, elected officials, web sites, paraphernalia, etc., I have been able to concoct a list of signs that you might be a Tea bagger. Now, this is not encyclopedia-worthy, just my humbled opinion, but see if you agree or not.

Here are my top ten reasons you might just be an unfortunate member of the Tea baggin’ community:

1.)    You don’t want the U.S. Government to spend money, unless it’s on you of course. (You loudly yell about how much you hate the idea of government spending while at the doctor’s office as a Medicare beneficiary.)

2.)    You think comparing Obama to monkeys and chimps is NOT racist; they just both adore bananas I suppose. (It’s the only similarity I was trying to point out while bringing my stuffed monkey to a Sarah Palin event, I swear.)

3.)    You think Hawaii is more “foreign” than the Panama Canal because in 2008, Obama was deemed a non-citizen by crazy “Birthers” even though he was born in Hawaii, which is an actual state. (His opponent, born on the freakin’ Panama Canal, is just a U.S. military base. But I’m sure race, again, had nothing to do with it.)

4.)    You truly believe that Obama is similar to Hitler; because, you know, wanting to give millions healthcare is the same as supporting genocide… (Affordable healthcare, gas chambers — YES! I see the connection!)

5.)    You reason that “The key to being safer is MORE guns.” (We will never be safe until the gun to person ratio in the United States is at least 2:1.)

6.)    You believe that racism in general is just a silly concept Liberals throw around to make people angry… while holding signs like these: racist teabagger

7.)    Incredulous statements are a requirement for public office: “It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone,” — former Delaware  Senate Candidate, Christine O’Donnell.

8.)    You complain that nothing’s getting done, while simultaneously being the chief reason that nothing gets done. (House of Reps anyone? Bueller…?)

9.)    You think you can control the country even though Obama was elected twice, in basic landslides, and your own party is starting to hate you. (As we bow our heads, let us thank the good Lord that comes in the form of gerrymandering.)

10.)  You pretend to be Christian, but you really pray to Ronald Reagan. (Why has he not been sainted? I’m confused.)

I hope people find humor in this, as my opinions on the Tea Party might seem a bit exaggerated here, but the  underlying beliefs that they hold are not that funny at all; they are scary really. Truth creates power, and we must continue to expose the Tea Party for what and who they are. Hopefully, we can dismantle any power that they might hold in the very near future.