Here are a few things you should- and should not- say to an individual of transgender experience.
You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to recognize that many transgender people have struggles in American society.? Misunderstandings, inaccuracies, and myths about transpeople abound, and systemic discrimination toward transfolk is still rampant.
For example, in the largest transgender-related study ever attempted (with over 6,500 respondents from all 50 states), 90% of participants said that they had experienced harassment, mistreatment or discrimination on the job.? And that’s just negativity in the workplace–try picturing what life is like out on the street for many transgender people.
Even something as simple as using the restroom can be a traumatic experience for transpersons.? Imagine resigning yourself to never using the bathroom in a public place. ?For many transgender people, that scenario is often a reality. ?Transsexuals who are in the process of transition and other transfolk who do not pass on the outside as ?clearly male? or ?clearly female? are confronted and/or thrown out of both men’s and women’s restrooms on a daily basis.? No, it’s not always an easy thing to be transgender in this culture.
Supportive things to say to a transgender person
That’s why cisgender (i.e., non-transgender) people can probably use a list of supportive things to say when they encounter a transgender person.? Here are some suggestions for things that most transpersons would probably like to hear:
- ?How would you prefer to be addressed??
- ?I want to be respectful, but I don’t know much about your situation.? If you’d care to help me, I’d like to learn more.?
- When you aren’t sure what to say, try saying nothing at all.
Things to not say to a transgender person
Now that you have a few ideas about supportive things to say, here are some things you should never, ever?utter to a transgender person:
- ?So, have you had the surgery yet??
- ?I know lots of transvestites.?
- ?I’m gay.? I know just what you’re going through.?
- ?Tell me–are you a guy or a girl??
- ?So who do you sleep with??
- ?If you’re a tranny, you must like men (or women), right??
- ?Do you know [insert name here]?? She (or he) is a transsexual too.?
- ?Which restroom do you use??
The best rule of thumb is always to use common sense.? Keep in mind, we’re not talking about someone’s sexual orientation; that’s about who they sleep with.? Instead, we’re talking about their internal gender identity and their external gender expression; that’s about who they sleep as.? Simply demonstrating respect can go a long way toward reducing any unease that may be present.
In most cases you probably won’t go wrong if you use the appropriate terms for the gender in which a person is presenting at the time.? Using a transperson?s?preferred name and associated pronouns is a very big deal.? After all, how would you like it if someone used the wrong name and inaccurate pronouns when referring to you?? Again, common sense should be the rule–and if you aren’t sure what name or pronouns to use, just ask.? Respectfully.
Given all the difficulties transpersons face on a daily basis in every area of society, it’s important to know how to interact and converse with such individuals.? As more transgender people come out and are living openly, opportunities for interaction with the public are also increasing.? Hopefully, these conversation tips will be helpful.
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Edited by: SB
